the tomorrow of tomorrows
Got the email that it has been delayed till next year.
I felt funny, in fact I still don't know what to feel or think. for four months it has mobilized and consumed whatever faculties that is in me and forced myself into a rigid fighting pose, I guess I am really not prepared for this (apparently delay is really common tho), and have no idea how would I fare in another however many more months to come.
strangely I am not agitated as I thought I would be, even with other persistent stressors going on. I can only attribute it to God, thought I don't feel I can happily boast that His peace is in me. the maybe very Godly process of having all aspects of control over your circumstances slowly chipping away for me really is not a pumped crusading journey into the holy land...
it in fact feels very terrible. in a sense I cannot verbalise at all how uneasy I feel, all this while trusting and confirming something entirely external and not of my own is indeed whats holding me firmly in place.
maybe I should sound more uplifting, but I guess I will be honest for now.
dear Masha...and Midori
so this site will prob close down and be no more, together with yahoo blogs...
http://hk.myblog.yahoo.com/dpanhk
I am grieving. it is where the I-finally-found-my-role-model business all started. though Midori-san hasn't been updating for a while and I really have no idea to her whereabouts... it always felt to be a base I could return to.
its prob a good thing. otherwise i dont imagine i would go bk and carefully regurgitate through all the posts (....which is what i've been doing... -__-||||)
new discoveries this time (am sure i will discover more):
"the ideal adult"
"fears"
i think masha has verbalised my fears.
"一寸長的蟲，也有五分的靈魂"
I may want to put this line somewhere in my office.
My fav christian ojisan writers 3
when i am stressed i regress and prefer much more to read chinese than english... in fact i can tune out these days even reading FB updates more than 4-5 lines long... funny i can still write tho.... hmm...
Seriously Funny 2 is prob the only english book i managed to finish over the past few months, not only that, it even made me laugh out loud on a train. i certain hope Adrian Plass and Jeff Lucas can be blessed with longevity so they will produce Seriously Funny 3, 4, 5 etc in the days to come.
The first book was funny enough, but the second one was even funnier... and the two ojisans got a bit more disinhibited with each other, talking about orgies in one chapter and contemplating a communal shower together in another--with their wives and dogs joining in as well (yes it was a decent christian book from a decent christian store)
despite the bad portrayal they are both lovely ojisans... very honest and insightful, and seriously, very funny. because whatever they have talked about is so relevant for my life, many things hit home. i guess i've read a bit more of Adrian's writing than Jeff's, but recently got to watch a sermon by Jeff during which he said something along the lines of "sometimes i don't want purpose, and i don't want to be driven, i just want life!"
lol.
that was very lovely. looking forward to opportunities to read/hear more.
