Wendy It's You

watched this awesome drama this week. I will prob call it "Mosca", cos i dont know what its real name is (literal translation is "The Fly Woman in Love"). Going by the poster and the name... really not something i would watch for its own sake... -_-||||

but because this time watching OD and realising the actor who played Shinjo-sama was so good, I've been curiously exploring his other shows, and came across this one. (don't even know his name... let me check...Toshio Kakei...now i will remember *nod*)

it turned out to be the most touching drama i've watched in years. and its short, only 6 30min episodes but really carefully thought through. i seriously recommend it, esp watch it around the 29/30 year old mark, it recharges you.

SPOILERS AHEAD: over the years terminal illness dramas have become so vulgar i dont even want to hear about them. this one however made me cry for the whole of the last episode (even after reading the massive spoiler before I started)... and then burst out into laughter in the last 5min, and entirely not because the sadness of the story was denied or cast aside, very impressed.

and it did a parody of Masha which was hilarious~  i think thats one reason why i really identified with 小守絵美 but more her experiences too...

end of the day, i also was pulled from an insightless and silently despairing state, likened to the brink of death, back into life.
and God did the pulling, which made it infinitely awesome.

like the ending theme too, but more importantly, after this show, I won't be able to look at Nandos in the same way again... LOL

the last little bit about Sherlock... and Frozen, and morbid dreams

Why does fate play such tricks with poor, helpless worms? I never hear of such a case as this that I do not think of Baxter's words, and say, 'There, but for the grace of God, goes Sherlock Holmes.'.

I've read Sherlock ever since I was a kid, but it took me such a long while to realize he actually said this.
How very lovely! reminds me of James 4:15.
as to the contemporary godless cluster B bores... you are really not very cool in comparison.

now, I finally watched Frozen recently.
I really don't know what to say about those "church" accusations about it promoting yuri, and this other Christian article I read literally went into a panic and warned "letting it go like Elsa is dangerous!" and called audience to model themselves more on Anna's bravery and demonstration of love.

to be quite honest I don't know if the author has any insight that Anna also is the type of girl who's easy to spot in church, who loves and falls out of love passionately and brings a new boyfriend to service every 3 months and to the aunties' horrors it then turns out that a couple of them have never been Christians... then the gossips and feigned concerns start and before long people are plotting in what kind of longwinded passive ways they can get her to read a copy of "I kissed dating goodbye" because everyone is worried about the way how she's going...

I find the story so simply and deeply psychological if not spiritual. and if church leaders are thick enough to not use it to their advantages, well, tough luck. I truly think, the fact that Elsa and her song have been so popular is really because---
the concealment of our darker sides is well and truly a universal issue.
seriously you really don't need to be yuri to identify with it... -__-|||| it's more of a problem that some of us get stirred a little bit, but like to think we are all fixed and not concealing anything. in fact we just hide the dark stuff deeper, and attribute "let it go" to yuri or other kinds of inappropriateness.
No, just, not relevant to ourselves.

what is ironic though, is the fact that when Elsa sang "Let it go", she wasn't letting it go at all. Instead, she ran from the prisons others built for her only to establish a bigger prison of her own. Her initial letting go was but a sham.
Only later, her true liberation came about.
That first step, that desire to "let it go", however, was an essential step to this process.

I guess I only have myself to reflect upon. ever since the start of camhs middle last year the crumbling of external strongholds that  has previous held me has not stopped, and the rapidity of the process esp in the last couple of months has been beyond expectation. I've been feeling rather homeless, and stranded at sea. Lately I've been frightened to sleep as my frequent nightmares all had some sort of a morbid quality to it. yesterday I was staring at an XR of an elderly who swallowed a light bulb out of spite for everyone and the day before I was enthusiastically inviting my dead colleague to join us for study group... @.@
its like I've somehow switched on a horror channel and couldn't find a way to switch it off...

but at the very same time, it just came to me a few days ago, that I no longer hold my longstanding morbid and bleak outlook about life...
for some mysterious reason, never before in my life have I felt so happy about being alive.
Now that really is something different.

so, everything is a bit funny at the moment. I think I am perhaps at the stage desperately trying to build my own stronghold after losing the old external ones (despite knowing logically I don't need to) and haven't really sunken in His perfect love to do otherwise yet.
But He has taken me on this journey, and I trust He will finish the work.
In the meantime, I most likely will still take wrong turns and make mistakes.
but He will take me there.
and because of that, I am happy to stare and not cringe at my insomnia and morbid dreams, till the day He restores my rest.

I will end with Mark Galli. there are bits and pieces in his email newsletters which are simply glowing...

"The idea is that the more we ponder our sin, the more grateful we'll be for grace. I wonder, though, if it doesn't work the other way around: The more we ponder God's grace, the more we'll grasp the depth and darkness of sin.

For one thing, we won't have the courage to peer into the darkness within until we're assured that no matter how black the cave, God's light will still shine. For another, it is the inconceivable and unexpected nature of grace that suggests something must have really gone wrong for God incarnate to die in order to fix it.  "