Just want to have a rant, and lets not make a rant more grandiose than what it is~ :P
I managed to sleep in this morning. can't remember the last time when this happened. the past few months have just been assessment after assessment of various kinds (most belong to some useless compulsory masters program), slotted in the middle of endless difficult patients, pathological team dynamics and occasional long on calls with unnecessary tedious jobs.
now, with that one last exam out of the way (which I didnt actually study for but which nevertheless still stressed me out), i think my chronic endorphin surge is finally coming down.
ever since that time my boss unknowingly commented that all religions are fantasies of the prolongation of life and "opiates of the masses" and I slammed the table and told him out of spite (in much more superficially meek and mild ways...lol)that I am actually religious, I've been waiting in some ill-founded paranoid fears that I will get persecuted at work for my beliefs.
I got my mid rotation feedback the other day and boss said:
You take on lots of responsibilities but know your own limitations at the same time. I hope all my registrars can work like that.
T_T...
more T_T....
very stoked.(and not persecuted at all) i think people are more gracious and professional than i've imagined them to be.
...though i have given myself bigger shoes to fill in the next few months... now without the endorphin surge. *chills* -_-||||
Here is a really good Sat morning reading. Grace in a Strip Bar Mark Galli is as sharp as usual.
and this will prob lead on to another shrinky rant.
I find "love your neighbour as yourself" a very misunderstood saying.
Contrary to popular beliefs, it is not a call to "love your neighbour more than yourself", nor is it "love your neighbour, and neglect loving yourself".
It operates on the condition that when you are capable of loving yourself, and then you are capable of loving your neighbours.
Most of us, sadly, don't love ourselves, and don't really have a clue how to.
The fact that we don't really love ourselves is a really really difficult thing to confront.
Self-seeking pursuits and manipulation for affection from others - stem not from a love of one's self, but from an incapability to do so.
Because I cannot convince myself that I am worthy of my own love, hence I rely heavily upon external evidences that I am loved by others, and in the temporary absence of which, I fall to pieces.
When we treat ourselves with contempt and a lack of love, we likely will treat our neighbours in the same way, as we wouldn't know any better.
In order to follow the first part of the command of loving your neighbour, the second part of loving yourself, cannot be dismissed.
Which I personally think, is the much harder part of the command.
well, enough shrinky stuff for a morning.
and I still haven't found the motivation or courage to clean out my chinese writing site.
what a pain. >.<
