*big wave to lu*
ZARD vocalist passed away a few days ago. after a fall in hospital where she was having treatment for endometrial cancer, aged 40.
i couldn't help humming MY FRIEND to myself again and again the past few days, planning to dig out my 3 sets of Slamdunk OST in collection... very soon.
the voice actor of dearest saitou-sama passed away last yr, last holiday i specially went and bought the complete kenshin anime set. probably the only extra i need now is seisouhen director's cut, starring half a minute of saitou-sama.
after exam there r a few animes & series I want to watch:
darker than black: squinty eyed expressionless chinese protagonist wearing long black overcoat.. + rie fu's beautiful ED... *double hearts*
Bakumatsu Kikansetsu Irohanihoheto: wat a mouthful... but again squinty eyed protagonist in long black overcoat & cape... sword waving too... so yeh... my taste hardly ever deviates..
mawang: the tall skinny fox-like prince this time playing a lawyer with a dark past... *hearts*
the vineyard man & the upcoming 1st shop of coffee prince: the bright beautiful "bigong mama" is reali enjoyable too... *more hearts*
and also.. finishing off Rondo & Kazoku by my favourite Takenouchi Yutaka ^_____^
enuf procrastinating... ^_____^
gone.. & coming
Broca's atrophy
2day had an 2hr+ ecg lecture that finished at half past 6. the lecturer was so... brilliant... talked abt everything in such a fast-paced & logically accurate way.
and after the lecture brian made a reali brilliant comment: the lecturer could express his thoughts so well! almost as there is instant interaction btw his higher function centres and the broca area. unlike some smart ppl who probably can't reali express ideas well, and unlike politians who probably have overactive broca's, disconnected from their higher function centres.
so.. applying that idea to myself:
i prob have broca's atrophy, and repeated lack of use exacerbates the problem, and gradually the connection btw brocas & the higher function centres degenerate. >____<
on a side note... i've been watching "goong" in the past week... reali loved it.
especially the crown prince.. *hearts*
tall skinny fox-like guy who would look good even in pink dotty shirts is indeed... very enjoyable.
(remembering with much embarrassment i was telling angel earlier in the yr that girly tv shows abt teenage princes r so pointless) >_______<
so, yeh found it surprising i actually enjoyed such a brainless romantic show and the teenage prince so much.
quite glad of it actually, my almost non-existent youthful superficiality does have the ability to regenerate.
despite my harsh sceptical perspective of things & ppl overall.
so maybe i shouldn't lose hope of my brocas area afterall. with some persistent exercising, it may have the ability to regenerate its function as well.
fingers crossed. ^^
YST
in moments of impulsive procrastination I started to revise yoroiden samurai troopers.... >_______<
i watched it first wen i was grade 3 or 4...
i must admit i am still quite into these simple & hot-blooded stuff for kids...
i remembered saint seiya was on around the same time... which was also about ppl wearing robot armours and ppl fighting bad ppl... but I always preferred YST so much more,cos they don't have to fight each other like gladiators, and also the friendship among the five boys r depicted quite well.
and wen i was young i manage to remember the lyrics of OP & ED of YST correct to every japanese syallable...
wish i still have such memory now.. and can use it for med...
>_____<
anywayz back to do some study after prolonged procrastination.
no more grumbling
i suddenly realised i am not all that intolerant of ppl..
different ppl hav low tolerance threshold of different things...
just like i am not so sensitive abt indifference & being ignored, but my stomach would churn with nausea at invasiveness...even if its mere "perceived invasiveness".
anyway this is not the point of this blog.
today i just remember this corny martial arts saying in chinese: 人在江湖﹐身不由己.
rather pessimistic & inappropriate... to describe lives that should have been made fully purposeful by the Lord. but i do think it has a fraction of truth describing the current condition of many of us...
how many times i procrastinate out of apathy, how many times i study out of mere primitive reflex, rather than having placed my certainty & hope in the Lord?
many times, i must confess, many times.
it is scary to think there r stages in your life wen talking/sharing to ppl about your problem won't really help, but only stimulates ur increasingly uncontrollable desire to complain & grumble, wen u don't even have the time to go thru the full process of feeling stressed and fearful and crying over a situation and finally internalising it to cope...
and even more scary to think such a lifestyle soon will become the story of your life and be indefinitely prolonged for who knows how many years ahead.
Loving God please have mercy on us terrible people.
yet bits of happiness r still found everywhere around us, in the daily things of vulgar vitality:
eg. i am looking forward to see the wei look-alike at friday outpatients, after strong recommendation from tiff... LOL
and also looking back and remembering all the other interesting doctors: there was also a brian look-alike, a ken look-alike, and of course the not so often seen jeremy look-alike. ^____^
perhaps we can also look forward to spotting any possible andrew look-alikes, wan look-alikes, kev look-alikes or HC look-alikes in the near or far future...
and our lives r still coloured by these bits of vulgar but entertaining things.
i thank God
i drove for 6 wks.
din crash my car on any poles or trees, din crash into anyone else & no one else crashed into me.
and managed to drive thru the roads smoothly and din become a traffic hazard--
even wen not concentrating and sometimes driving pass traffic lights without realising if they r red or green.
so yes i thank God i din harm ppl and was not harmed in anyway myself.
and i am not trying to be funny. my driving is quite...bad.
i am glad to be back to taking buses next wk.
despite its frequent lateness.
I can prob stay up a bit late at nite and still get to austin the next morning while dozing off.
怨念
i have lots of 怨念 about places with terrible coffees still attempting to be posh & expensive & high-class.
especially wen with the unpleasant additive of tense asian eagerness, "making sure u dun get away without ordering anything" written all over one's face...
i cannot express how very 倒胃口 this is.
and the above is just pure grumbling after a strong but terrible coffee... and inability to fall asleep.
Peace in a World of Massacre
I really cannot express how much this article touched and encouraged me as I first read it sitting inside the Northern library computer room 2day.
http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2007/aprilweb-only/116-23.0.html
(for some reason I can't seem to get the link to work on my blog today so please excuse and use copy & paste)
absolutely awesome... everyone should have a read.
if God grants me the time I really want to be able to translate this for more ppl to read it. May need ariel's help on that. ^^
movies
Apparently many friends in china & the US hav already seen 300.
i remember the Epigraph at Thermopylae as i knew of:
O stranger, bring the Spartans word, that here,
Obedient thus to their command, we lie.
beautiful words.
any translation less classic just... won't do...
so.. the point is... I want to see 300.
I hope its still showing wen my real holiday comes...
yi qiu told me instead of 300 there was only 18... i din noe whether she was joking or i am just too ignorant in grecian history...
and i doubt anyone will watch it with me... (especially irene, who prob runs away at hearing the plot ^______^)
i remember a funny conversation btw motoko & batou in SAC:
Batou: thats the movie you want to see. do you want to go and see it together sometimes?
Motoko: no.
Batou(shocked): why not?
Motoko: if its a movie I like very much, I prefer to watch it just on my own.
Batou: then...what about movies you don't "like very much"? we can see one of those.
Motoko: then it won't be necessary to go and see a movie I don't like anyway.
^______^
this is very true...
but reminds me, wen the real holiday comes, I also want to drag alison to see Amazing Grace with me...
I am sure she will gladly join me, on hearing the familiar names: Ioan Gruffudd, Romola Garai, Rufus Sewell...
bring back fond memories of those shows we loved: the Forsyte Saga, Charles II, and of course...Daniel Deronda...
and of course, fluffy bug got the rite answer. Yay! ^________^
in KOH, King Baldwin IV of Jerusalem said those beautiful words.
one of my biggest regret in life is not seeing Kingdom of Heaven on big screen...
in short, the king from KOH is a very very attractive man.
its rare to find such an attractive character in movies.
well enuf of movies...
let prospective plans for the real holiday motivate me...
The beautiful words spoken
I loved these words and the person who said it to bits, from the time I first heard it till now:
....But remember that, even when those who move you be kings or men of power, your soul is in your keeping alone.
When you stand before God you cannot say "but I was told by others to do thus" or that "virtue was not convenient at the time". This will not suffice. Remember that.
things i reali like i repetitively post in blogs... hope tis is not a repeat^^
anyone still procrastinating and checking this place can take a guess where is this quote from and who's the person that said it... ^___________^
Sloth
been re-reading The Monarch Book of Sins & Virtues.
today turned upon a page... about sloth:
By Jerome K. Jerome(1859-1927)
I like idling when I ought not to idling; not when it is the only thing I have to do. That is my pig-headed nature. The time I like best to stand with my back to the fire, calculating how much I owe, is when my desk is heaped highest with letters that must be answered by the next post. When I like to dawdle longest over my dinner, is when i have a heavy evening's work before me. And if, for some urgent reason, I ought to be up particularly early in the morning, it is then, more than at any other time, that I love to lie an extra half-hour in bed.
very truthful...
theologically, sloth is defined as "being careless towards the things of God".
i probably should quote no more... its a terrible thing wen i know all these stuff, and then go back and procrastinate more like these words never had any effect on me.
KY
Ken & andrew dun noe abt this place... hehehehe... *stealthy looks*
will use this opportunity to honour a friend who has the dip 2moro.
Tiffany: shld i sms ken to congratulate him yet?
me: just say ur congrats 2moro la....
no need to rush^___________^
Tiffany: so ken doesn't change his mind over night..
me: o_______________0
did u get that idea from praying???
Tiffany: nope
me: gdness me.....i was scared....
Tiffany: we'll forcefully dunk him in
me: dun worry.... wen andrew says... u jump, i jump....
he won't have any hesitations
^____________^
a premature congrats goes to ken, a reliable,intelligent,& gentle shanghainese BIC who likes to do lots of deep thinking.
i guess i reali don't know ken that well, and sometimes can get into mind-winding heated discussions with him about certain issues.... >____< but still i think he is an awesome BIC and its reali gd to have his company & be able to witness his walk of faith over the years.
u r a precious child of God. May u continue to grow strong in Christ, and walk with confidence in His love, following His awesome plan for u.
quotes & pictures
these days good quotes from other ppls blogs reali made me think:
from dave's blog:
"People like me exist because people are afraid of death, and we pour so much of our resources simply into delaying the inevitable. "
from cindy's blog:
"nothing is more precious than knowing that you are where God wants u to be."
from crystal's blog:
"尤其当希望在眼前却由于这样那样的原因消失无踪，无法控制客户和机会就像无法控制爱情的来去自由，于是内心再起伏不安，但仍保持笑脸，相信却不强求，可能有时候还是会情绪失控，就像此时此刻的自己，过后，依然坚强。"
so... a gd variety of interesting thoughts...
and in addition, funny stuff I reali liked, from Engrish:
^________^ very hilarious.
little things
on thursday we had a 13-hr day driving included...
that night i had a really beautiful dream.
first i was at church eating after-service refreshments: homemade cookies dripping with chocolate sauce.
then i went to lunch at a hotpot place, i ate hotpot & drank soup from a reali yummy chicken claypot.
then some friends came to me and dragged me to a reali huge bookshop, with a sea of mangas, chinese & english novels. Lots of friends were walking around. and i was under the impression I could spend my whole day there, reading & catching up with friends.
wen i woke up i didn't reali want to wake up, but after i wake up i was still happy, just like all these things has actually happened. ^_____^
i can get really scared & depressed talking to very persuasive & firm ppl.
hence usually a 99% avoidance.
these days i try to go along abit more with my spotaneous thoughts, and take up some courage to overcome a few of my own weaknesses.
but i guess one problem is that: i am very firm in my own sense, and it is an irritable burning pain wen my own sense of logic has no room to be accepted.
but I don't have to be rite.
It is not because when I am rite, then His Words become rite.
it is not because He is rite, then I could use it to prove that I am rite.
cos He is rite even when no one is rite.
i remember myself in one of those horrid states wen I think He wants to make bad things happen in my life and my heart becomes very rebellious.
but I think God's love has a postive likelihood ratio of infinity.
so there are no false positives---ie. its impossible for one to believe in God & His love & down the track eventually discover that this is not the case and after all He doesn't reali care about me.
there are only false negatives---wen one believes in one's own mind that He doesn't love, but the fact is that He really does, and He always does.
i dun understand EBP that well, maybe someone can help in refining the analogy. ^____^
some gd, some not so gd stuff (hopefully all gd someday)
tiffany wanted me to do an update of this blog...
well i guess ok... its always gd wen a friend appreciate ur thoughts and want to read more for procrastination purposes. ^^
these days my thoughts are more negative than usual, the whole matter of case presentation and communication skills increasing tires me... i have always been a poor communicator and most of the time the more practise i have the more stressful i feel the more poorly i do and the more pessimistic i become.
a horrid vicious circle...
reali making me doubt whether i should give way to more capable ppl who can "yap yap" more confidently and intelligently.
pastor josh prayed for me at young adults on friday... i want to believe things can be changed but scepticism still nags me. >______<
and i hope i am not going to feel more negative by grumbling on this blog.
so yep need to persevere, trust and believe. so my dear SICs plz remember me in ur prayers.^^
at young adults someone said: danielle is coming back soon.
suddenly made me realise how much i missed her.
LOL danielle never reads this so i will keep on talking abt her.
i missed all the lifts she gave me b4 my driving days, and her always so-persistent offer to drive me around despite me feeling bad for troubling her too much.
i missed all the quality time dnm we had last yr regarding med & family & life & relationship, and being able to learn so much from her experiences.
i missed all the patient and loving advices she gave me wenever i, in some kind of prostrate distress, came to her with many grumbles. she was never impatient, never imposed her own ways of thinking on me.
i missed all the hugs and free food from her... still remember that nite wen she baked sweet potato and remembered that i like them so drove all the way from templestowe to box hill to deliver some to me... and actually got lost... >____<
i misssed her mature & kind presence, just someone always there, someone i can always approach wen i need some support and love.
*sniff*
yes in short i reali miss her.
looking forward to seeing her again and having her company again this year.*hearts*
We saw tiffany today...
Me and irene went to find a patient this arvo...
and we saw "tiffany"... and asked her for patients.
(austinees should know who am i talking about^^)
slightly different from last year, she has this reali mature reali elegant doctor look now.
then i saw the 2 rings on her finger.
reali elegant rings too.
*hearts*
so... "tiffany" is married.
me and irene were just awwing the whole way when we walked to our patient.
so... point of the story: Ganbatte to the real tiffany ^_____^
In memory: Slamdunk
the other day i got a lift to bsf from paul and saw the lovely slamdunk figurines in his car.
"so cute!!!" i said, drooling.
despite the fact that i myself own 2 identical sets of those... exactly the same ones.
brought back memories of slamdunk, even when i have never forgotten about them.
i remember with fondness the time i got a set similar to those as my 20th bday present from all the meddies. tiffany spotted them on her hillsong trip in sydney, remembered my obsession, and bought them for me.
she din noe i already had a set of those myself.
yet i still loved my extra set very much... wen mum was tidying my room she once mentioned: u have 2 sets of those? give one set away!
"no! mine! they r all mine!" i was completely possessive and refused to share any of those with anyone.
and i also remember with great amusement, the time we sat in austin lecture theatre, wei dozing off as usual.
i took out the little sleeping and slobbering Rukawa figurine, and put it on the desk next to him.
tiffany saw it and was reali amazed: hey that thing looks just like wei!
LOL
indeed.
*rukawa is the superstar character of slamdunk. so...i think its quite an honour^^
(thanx to wei who left...um...nice...comments on our blogs...LOL)
i saw God in slamdunk too.
(everyone: *glare* how did you manage to see God in that? so obsessed)
Sakuragi... the boy from whom the whole story evolved, was rejected by 50 girls in his junior high. on his first day in senior high, he saw his 51st crush.
a pretty girl stranger Haruko randomly asked him: Do you like basketball?
that moment she became his goddess.
"yes! i really like basketball!" saying that, while had never touched a basketball before in his life.
he joined the basketball team, hoping to be the awesome basketball star to win her attention & her heart, bickering and fighting always with haruko's crush Rukawa, superstar of the team.
he slowly became one essential member in the wonderful basketball world.
meeting new friends, new foes; learning about himself; learning about teamwork; learning about living and doing ur best for the cause so many have devoted all their passions to.
by the last volume of the manga, sakuragi's team was in their toughest battle, versus country's best high school team.
sakuragi had badly injured his back in a collison a few minutes before. the whole stadium's attention was on him.
could he play? could he not play?
only a few more minutes left for the match, without sakuragi, the team might well just give up and lose.
Haruko was worried and rushed down to see sakuragi during the break.
and he said the most memorable words:
I---I---I like----I like---
i really like basketball! this time i am not lying!!
a scene that never failed to touch me.
isn't it just like our walk with God?
We come to Him with whatever unpleasant selfish motives... motives we do not even want to examine too deeply ourselves.
We come to him, maybe wanting to use Him as a tool, to get whatever we desperately want.
But He does change us.
He would let us see His wonderfulness, see how much better it is to have a relationship with Him, much better than what we had wanted in the first place.
then our own selfish motives cease to be important.
analogy slightly awkward, as God is God, not basketball.
but i am sure the concept is not all absurd...
do not be afraid or ashamed if we seek God for the wrong reason. do not be discouraged if we think we come to Him because our families or friends did: we just didn't want to feel left out.
He is most wonderful.
When we are there, He will show us how wonderful it is to have a relationship with Him. Trust and walk with Him.
may not be an easy walk.
but despite the numerous difficulties, Sakuragi really enjoyed basketball, and became an awesome basketball player.
we can really enjoy God, and become great children of His.
wen can we say the words, just like wat Sakuragi said?
I really love God.
and this time i am not lying.
He will see that day come for us.
I realised...
i always tell ppl: i dun reali like self-centred ppl, and because of that, i always endeavour to be altruistic!
yet i realised i dun like ppl's self-centredness the most---
wen i myself is self-absorbed, troubled, and in rebellion with God.
but wen i am in connection with God's spirit of love, i dun even think this way.
it is a good lesson.
wen i am truly in accordance with His love, I would not be morally invasive nor live in a spirit of criticism.
"morally invasive"....LOL i find it such a wonderful term...just like "spiritually proud"... sounds so...not right... yet not uncommon human attitudes...
lets just pray we ourselves dun go down this path without awareness.
on valentines day i got a reali wonderful gift, from the Lord.
It came to me in the deep of the night, was very abrupt.
and absolutely awesome.
If I tell you wat is it... i am sure most of u would burst into laughter...
and think yn is just one incurably immature anime-obsessed addict...
yet it was something so important to me... that the magnitude of joy it brings... is just GREAT.
even my lousy, sometimes overactive imagination, can be so blessed by Him.
was inspired by tiffinity's blog: there is no better valentine than jesus.
I just pray that i will not abuse His blessings this time... as it had happened many times b4... >.<
i still need to learn to trust him more and more.
all goodness in me come from God.
It is so true.
So pray I will no longer claim wats not mine as mine, and abuse it.
so ppl understand if i talk about Parkinsonian "on" & "off" days?
i realised God is not my levodopa, and sin is not the incurable, progressively declining Parkinson's.
I cannot take some "godly boost tablets" and have a great on-phase wen i do & say Godly things. Yet during my off-phase just do watever that pleases me, while having atrociously negative thoughts. Then seeing myself in a pitable state, get some more boost and be "on" for another period of time.
and the vicious cycle continues, as the effect of levodopa gradually wearing off... then, needing stimulation in more stronger doses, it eventually lost all its effects in me.
bleak yeh?
but God is not a medication for quick relief, and at all times, I should refrain from thinking abt Him in such a way.
I realised...
it has been quite some months since my night of panic in bendigo, which made me write an email asking for prayers from our "cu" group.
should say it has been almost 6 months... and this problem hasn't haunted me once during this time.
Thank you all for ur care and prayers.
I am glad to have known u such wonderful ppls...
reali glad.
Lovely doctors
i reali reali like reali old, nice, grandpa-like consultants.
Went to outpatients this week and followed one such consultant around... in his company i was very content and very willing to learn... (comparatively speaking that is)
which reminds me of the time wen my dad spoke of my gp: hey i think the doctor u always go to has a sherlock holmes feel, don't you think?
(I have watched enuf sherlock series for him to have a firm impression of sherlock.)
...
i din realise...but now u said it...
My GP is... quite old... looked nothing different from wen me at 14 first visited him... and... he does have a very Sherlockian feel.
Now i kind of understood why I like going to him so much, especially wen i needed to vent out all my cancer paranoia.
so yes, there r very lovely doctors around.
Nippon Fever
I realised me and Angel both like Abe Hiroshi. He is a very good actor, best at subtle humour.
I love melbourne uni
when i have some time in the holidays i like to study a few things i like...
for example: reading chinese historical essays. LOL
for quite some years I have been obsessed with this awesome chinese poet from the yuan dynasty.
born into an aristocratic family, in his teens he was renowned for his physical strength and horseriding skills, wen he was 20 he was made an army general of a vast territory. Soon after he gave up his position to his younger bro and left to study chinese lit & poetry in the capital. Wen he was 27 his literary talent became so renowned that the emperor made him head scribe of the court as well as literary teacher for the crowned prince.
Yet he found politics dark and tiresome, so wen he was 29, he again gave up his position... and went to live quietly in hangzhou...
He became a medicine man, selling muslim medicine to ppl in need.
What an awesome life.
Doesn't that remind u a bit of Kyoshiro-san from Samurai Deeper KYO, the happy medicine man? Only much more exciting.
hence the obsessed study into his life & poetry.
I googled his name and went thru the whole list of results searching for interesting facts and commentary of his life. A few essays and book titles I found belong to this chinese scholastic journal database, which I would need to pay for access.
But I suddenly remembered catalogue for the eastern asian collection in baillieu library...
they actually have his biography(in full chinese... published in 1983) stored away in some dark dusty corner... *touched*
with my student status I could access the full chinese journal database from melbourne... at no cost and at no extra time searching... *even more touched*
last nite my hand was shaking with excitement wen i clicked on the essay i really wanted.
I love melbourne uni... deep from the heart...
