on thursday we had a 13-hr day driving included...
that night i had a really beautiful dream.
first i was at church eating after-service refreshments: homemade cookies dripping with chocolate sauce.
then i went to lunch at a hotpot place, i ate hotpot & drank soup from a reali yummy chicken claypot.
then some friends came to me and dragged me to a reali huge bookshop, with a sea of mangas, chinese & english novels. Lots of friends were walking around. and i was under the impression I could spend my whole day there, reading & catching up with friends.
wen i woke up i didn't reali want to wake up, but after i wake up i was still happy, just like all these things has actually happened. ^_____^
i can get really scared & depressed talking to very persuasive & firm ppl.
hence usually a 99% avoidance.
these days i try to go along abit more with my spotaneous thoughts, and take up some courage to overcome a few of my own weaknesses.
but i guess one problem is that: i am very firm in my own sense, and it is an irritable burning pain wen my own sense of logic has no room to be accepted.
but I don't have to be rite.
It is not because when I am rite, then His Words become rite.
it is not because He is rite, then I could use it to prove that I am rite.
cos He is rite even when no one is rite.
i remember myself in one of those horrid states wen I think He wants to make bad things happen in my life and my heart becomes very rebellious.
but I think God's love has a postive likelihood ratio of infinity.
so there are no false positives---ie. its impossible for one to believe in God & His love & down the track eventually discover that this is not the case and after all He doesn't reali care about me.
there are only false negatives---wen one believes in one's own mind that He doesn't love, but the fact is that He really does, and He always does.
i dun understand EBP that well, maybe someone can help in refining the analogy. ^____^
little things
some gd, some not so gd stuff (hopefully all gd someday)
tiffany wanted me to do an update of this blog...
well i guess ok... its always gd wen a friend appreciate ur thoughts and want to read more for procrastination purposes. ^^
these days my thoughts are more negative than usual, the whole matter of case presentation and communication skills increasing tires me... i have always been a poor communicator and most of the time the more practise i have the more stressful i feel the more poorly i do and the more pessimistic i become.
a horrid vicious circle...
reali making me doubt whether i should give way to more capable ppl who can "yap yap" more confidently and intelligently.
pastor josh prayed for me at young adults on friday... i want to believe things can be changed but scepticism still nags me. >______<
and i hope i am not going to feel more negative by grumbling on this blog.
so yep need to persevere, trust and believe. so my dear SICs plz remember me in ur prayers.^^
at young adults someone said: danielle is coming back soon.
suddenly made me realise how much i missed her.
LOL danielle never reads this so i will keep on talking abt her.
i missed all the lifts she gave me b4 my driving days, and her always so-persistent offer to drive me around despite me feeling bad for troubling her too much.
i missed all the quality time dnm we had last yr regarding med & family & life & relationship, and being able to learn so much from her experiences.
i missed all the patient and loving advices she gave me wenever i, in some kind of prostrate distress, came to her with many grumbles. she was never impatient, never imposed her own ways of thinking on me.
i missed all the hugs and free food from her... still remember that nite wen she baked sweet potato and remembered that i like them so drove all the way from templestowe to box hill to deliver some to me... and actually got lost... >____<
i misssed her mature & kind presence, just someone always there, someone i can always approach wen i need some support and love.
*sniff*
yes in short i reali miss her.
looking forward to seeing her again and having her company again this year.*hearts*
We saw tiffany today...
Me and irene went to find a patient this arvo...
and we saw "tiffany"... and asked her for patients.
(austinees should know who am i talking about^^)
slightly different from last year, she has this reali mature reali elegant doctor look now.
then i saw the 2 rings on her finger.
reali elegant rings too.
*hearts*
so... "tiffany" is married.
me and irene were just awwing the whole way when we walked to our patient.
so... point of the story: Ganbatte to the real tiffany ^_____^
In memory: Slamdunk
the other day i got a lift to bsf from paul and saw the lovely slamdunk figurines in his car.
"so cute!!!" i said, drooling.
despite the fact that i myself own 2 identical sets of those... exactly the same ones.
brought back memories of slamdunk, even when i have never forgotten about them.
i remember with fondness the time i got a set similar to those as my 20th bday present from all the meddies. tiffany spotted them on her hillsong trip in sydney, remembered my obsession, and bought them for me.
she din noe i already had a set of those myself.
yet i still loved my extra set very much... wen mum was tidying my room she once mentioned: u have 2 sets of those? give one set away!
"no! mine! they r all mine!" i was completely possessive and refused to share any of those with anyone.
and i also remember with great amusement, the time we sat in austin lecture theatre, wei dozing off as usual.
i took out the little sleeping and slobbering Rukawa figurine, and put it on the desk next to him.
tiffany saw it and was reali amazed: hey that thing looks just like wei!
LOL
indeed.
*rukawa is the superstar character of slamdunk. so...i think its quite an honour^^
(thanx to wei who left...um...nice...comments on our blogs...LOL)
i saw God in slamdunk too.
(everyone: *glare* how did you manage to see God in that? so obsessed)
Sakuragi... the boy from whom the whole story evolved, was rejected by 50 girls in his junior high. on his first day in senior high, he saw his 51st crush.
a pretty girl stranger Haruko randomly asked him: Do you like basketball?
that moment she became his goddess.
"yes! i really like basketball!" saying that, while had never touched a basketball before in his life.
he joined the basketball team, hoping to be the awesome basketball star to win her attention & her heart, bickering and fighting always with haruko's crush Rukawa, superstar of the team.
he slowly became one essential member in the wonderful basketball world.
meeting new friends, new foes; learning about himself; learning about teamwork; learning about living and doing ur best for the cause so many have devoted all their passions to.
by the last volume of the manga, sakuragi's team was in their toughest battle, versus country's best high school team.
sakuragi had badly injured his back in a collison a few minutes before. the whole stadium's attention was on him.
could he play? could he not play?
only a few more minutes left for the match, without sakuragi, the team might well just give up and lose.
Haruko was worried and rushed down to see sakuragi during the break.
and he said the most memorable words:
I---I---I like----I like---
i really like basketball! this time i am not lying!!
a scene that never failed to touch me.
isn't it just like our walk with God?
We come to Him with whatever unpleasant selfish motives... motives we do not even want to examine too deeply ourselves.
We come to him, maybe wanting to use Him as a tool, to get whatever we desperately want.
But He does change us.
He would let us see His wonderfulness, see how much better it is to have a relationship with Him, much better than what we had wanted in the first place.
then our own selfish motives cease to be important.
analogy slightly awkward, as God is God, not basketball.
but i am sure the concept is not all absurd...
do not be afraid or ashamed if we seek God for the wrong reason. do not be discouraged if we think we come to Him because our families or friends did: we just didn't want to feel left out.
He is most wonderful.
When we are there, He will show us how wonderful it is to have a relationship with Him. Trust and walk with Him.
may not be an easy walk.
but despite the numerous difficulties, Sakuragi really enjoyed basketball, and became an awesome basketball player.
we can really enjoy God, and become great children of His.
wen can we say the words, just like wat Sakuragi said?
I really love God.
and this time i am not lying.
He will see that day come for us.
