sequel 2

it has really crossed the line.
I want to vomit blood. I seriously want to vomit blood.
even the fear that I may have failed my exam is paling to this.

I am not your property.

and I am not one of you.


this is however not the first time at the start of a rotation I work myself up to a state of terminal agitation, desiring wholeheartedly to be elsewhere and not here.

but its not terminal isn't it?

I should vomit quietly in a corner, and get on with it.

despite the vomitus of blood and venom, I want to see how God writes the ending of this story.
more so than ever.

PS. there is a deeper issue beyond all this. I fear such confirmatory outcomes to my inappropriate psychoanalyzing/overinterpreting. it is just positive reinforcement of bad behavior, all previous work done to shift it now in vain.