I dreamt about Hilary the other night...

I dreamt about Hilary the other night. She asked me what went wrong and what could she have done better. I tried to explain to her outcomes of things in life do not depend on efforts alone and us born and bred in the modern era do need to acknowledge and admit that luck often plays a big role. In her disappointment though I don't think anything I said really registered. Now the Hilary dream was likely all about me and nothing about American politics and I can just head to my supervisors next week for an interpretation, but I guess I still feel sad for Hilary -- not on grand scales whether or not she was the only hope to halt world war no. 3 or served as the finest example that feminism still has a long road in face of male superiority etc etc etc... I think I rather feel sad about her just as a person -- one who so persistently and single-mindedly invested immense effort in her aspiration of becoming America's first female president, who went very far on this costly road, even if for self-gratification purpose alone, and then in a dramatic turn of events,  had her dreams cut short like that. Everything else aside, that in itself, is very, very, sad. 

My understanding about politics is nothing beyond crude and am sure many may have talked about this in much more sophisticated terms, but I really think president election often serves nothing more than the purpose for many regressed adults to find mothers. Given that childbearing is regarded as a basic right and that prerequisites are minimal and people more often than not fare poorly in bringing up children, flawed early developments are many and secure care and nurture are scarce... and I mean... very flawed... and very scarce.

we perhaps all like to think as we humans evolve in the modern cultures, that our heads have become superior enough to have acquired the power to dictate our emotions. The fact remains however, that voting for most has nothing to do with the head and everything to do with the heart. Those of us who have adequate neuroticism to sense that despite our best efforts our heads and hearts are somewhat out of sync, often are 1.idealistic 2. cope by avoidance rather than take imperfect human responsibilities and acknowledge that as we remain human, our decisions and actions are inherently flawed regardless.

Mad evangelical friends who were openly deluded and ecstatically praised Trump's victory as awesome and God's will done aside, social media is also not short of people who endeavour to take control by predicting all kinds of disasters they could see coming but could do nothing about and how much they were the lonesome sane voices ignored in the current madness, perhaps in the hope that when disasters hit in the future they could take some solace in telling people I-told-you-so-hence-am-better-than-you? Now that's pretty regressed too. why not just admit that you are scared and more the acopic with the hard work of living in the face of unpredictability in a hostile uncertain future, just like the rest of us?

When Masha first sang Akatsuki I read the translated lyrics and felt very touched and hailed it as a great song. I even put it down as my whatsapp tagline... but... I think I then managed to forget about it. my memory consolidation have been indeed getting worse over recent years... but here it is... translated from its Chinese translation... and at least for me, it has not lost its buzz.

Akatsuki (Dawn)

Nobody's life can be smooth sailing
Sometimes things hit you hard and you would even resent God

I believe, if it is you
No matter what kind of grief or pain
You will have the strength to carry on
Even if the flame inside you is about to burn out

A dream not realised, feeling powerless, looking up the night sky
Who said the darker the sky, the brighter the stars?

Surely it's alright if I try to be cool--
"Failure" is out of fear not daring to reach what you want
If the stars tonight are too bright for you
You can definitely fight on

It's okay if you laugh at me, but please listen
No matter how weak you are
You are still able to support another
Because there will be always someone who needs you
Because that person is right here

You are definitely not powerless

The sun is rising again
To me who is surviving another day
Looks like it couldn't care less
Another day starts



PS. My functional overlay has much improved since a couple of months ago. Remembering a time when I was warmed back to human connections, but back then for one reason or another,failed to internalise such experience, was really helpful.