atrophy

sometimes i wonder if psych gave me the false impression that i am as gd as everyone else and could handle things really well and since i had it first i naturally assume that it is the baseline and probably will continue to be in loss + fear as i maladaptively cope with the rest of the year...
there must be something therapeutic abt the psych ppl that made me function so well for that 11 wks... i remember my anxiety level in the first wks or so was so elevated... but probably how my reg and consultant spoke... just calmed me down... despite the stresses, despite the med covers, i still looked forward to each day.
that miraculous ability to speak in confidence patience and kindness is slowly leaving me...
that eagerness to refine my language everyday, to just want to take after my reg's example and hoping one day i can be as good as her...
no more.
i fear each day that i will be back to my baseline broca atrophy. (and THAT made me fear everything else as well...)
that day isn't far away. >.<
Lord HELP.