this is the air i breath...

it took me a long long time to start liking med.
the impression can easily be that because i had a good week i am feeling more positive.
but i think i made the decision end of last week that this is my life, and for the remaining 5 wks in med i will enjoy it as much as i can.
so bad. when i start to like something its usually time for me to go.

maybe the turning point was...after all...the wedding on saturday.
i struggled for quite a while whether or not to go and inspect that front row with increased activity.
when he collapsed onto someone's shoulder i think i stopped struggling.
to my own surprise i actually could make some clinical judgements and knew of what to do in that initial moment of panicked frenzy.
but the feeling really disturbingly became 'chick finding its mother hen'(囧) when lovely ED trained dr jason turned up on the scene and said the lovely words:
ppl in seizure usually can protect their airways, don't worry.
:D having a senior doctor around can really make me feel very very happy.
after all i didn't seriously panick that day, given my atrocious GAD past history. knowing jason was sitting across, danielle was just outside the door, oh and...
andy lim was there somewhere at the back.
:D

i now faintly feel like a doctor.
maybe it is an improvement from early in the year, when i was still so ashamed to call myself by that name.

edmund did many long cases this wk.
and he went to his tutes with his reg friends.
and he signed up to 1 LC 3 SC presentations next wk.
me and wei are very happy, our consciences finally clean. ^-^

wei has been so... altruistic these 2 wks. (and also making personality incongruent remarks..O.O)
to the point that i think about what he did and just want to cry. -__-|||||
no wei has always been altruistic.
but when the target of his altruism is not me but students or histronic nurse in charge i really would like to do this:*hiding my face in shame*
I am a very 囧 aunty... as always.
but i got to listen to student LC as well this week~ and gave them my mcq practice papers~ and they were really thankful~ and i was all hearts and flowers afterwards...
maybe i am just a very soft-hearted 囧 aunty.

despite feeling so nice and soft hearted and not pressured nor anxious...
my yelling at nurses behaviour escalated.
today i had a yelling competition w/ a nurse who threatened to cancel an ambulance for transfer if i did not do a d/c/s when she demanded.
in the end she said she will discuss w/ the nurse in charge and never got bk to me.
i was all furious thinking she just went away and cancelled the ambulance without informing us.
so 5min after posttake i was fuming inside and went straight up there all prepared for a futile 2nd round, dragging wei with me for backup and/or on-call anger management.
only to discover ambulance was ready and discharge stuff was ready and pt was ready to go w/ nil issues.
囧X10 + guilt for being so disinhibited...
but maybe deep down i secretly took pride in it...
*horror*
Lord help me.