the death song...and unwinding plan

I will lift up mine eyes unto the mountains: from whence shall my help come?
My help cometh from the Lord, who made heaven and earth.
He will not suffer thy foot to be moved; He that keepeth thee will not slumber.
Behold, He that keepeth Israel doth neither slumber nor sleep.
the Lord is thy keeper; the Lord is thy shade upon thy right hand.
The sun shall not smite thee by day, nor the moon by night.
the Lord shall keep thee from all evil; He shall keep thy soul.
the Lord shall guard thy going out and thy coming in, from this time forth and for ever.

yesterday i heard Psalm 121 being read at a funeral. it reminded me of my favourite story, as well as much of the here and now. a colleague suddenly passed away, and the funeral was Jewish. Hearing the very familiar death song at a rather unfamiliar setting was really a bit too much for me. it caught me off guard, and i struggled hard to fight back tears.

...then the rabbi moved on to Psalm 130 which made it even worse. despite not sniffling away internally i felt rather out of control and just wished i could crawl away quickly from the scene to some dark corner to process my own emotions... (how inappropriate) -__-||||

i've been doing the freudian slip multiple times and wanting to call it a Jewish wedding, and i was not the only one. deep down we felt strongly we should have been invited to a wedding and not a funeral. in a somewhat more disturbing sense, i regretted that there wasnt a chance for me to speak ignorantly out of my gentile xenophobia, an opportunity to gossip excitedly to others that i went to a Jewish something and "did you know they read the Psalms too and its the same Psalms as our Psalms?"
(how more inappropriate)

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marissa and kim strongly felt i need to address my despondency and really should make an effort to celebrate my passing of exam instead of the current pitiable state of going straight from one stressor to the next.

thank you 前辈们~ i really value your professional opinions... (and have taken them on board)

i've thought about what i want and would consider a celebration:

1. away from helicopter parents (getting away in an amicable way too)
2. stress-free socialisations
3. give me a day of no commitments whatsoever... but instead able to curl myself into a ball on the couch for the day, accompanied by unlimited champagne (the alcohol free type.. how sad), ice cream, and... Gintama.

i think that will make me alright.