two things

i recently had to do a consultation in SHnese. something I already knew but which became even more glaringly obvious was the fact that "love"  was just not part of the SHese vocabulary.
yes there is a pronunciation for the character, but no one ever uses it. it is not spoken.
and not only love. as I struggled to find my words explaining to the family what may help things to improve, I realized my mother tongue is simply devoid of a vocab that describes a range of positive feelings and acts.
yes its a very smart dialect and very amendable to western influences and never devoid of terms describing negative emotions and all that...
but you cannot use any of "affection", "kindness", "protection" or even just "support" even in professional conversation, without sounding like a pervert.
if there happen to be appropriate alternative ways of expressing the positive themes, please enlighten me. I would like to think maybe its only me who had a deprived upbringing.

and i found some new strength from reading inquest reports on the coroners' site. (only realised very recently that they are public documents and anyone can access them)
i like them. there are some awfully sad stories, in awfully sad details.
as if my job is not awfully sad enough and i am looking for more.
end of the day they don't only just satisfy my voyeuristic cravings but do provide some effective reassurances which i havent been able to access anywhere else.
i realized-
-in these things all perspectives are quite well covered
-the comments and findings are usually quite reasonable and nowhere close to my presumed "whatever has happened it just has to be the doctor/police's fault"
there you go. maybe the realisations are just enough to stop me from having a psychosomatic collapse in Feb. *kidding

As i like to think i still have some residual self respect left , i won't hyperlink the site here.