Manga

My friends....
drew me a book of manga as a 21st bday present....
i am really really shocked and touched....
You guys r so awesome......
spent soooooooooooooooo much time and effort on it... especially irene-san... *sob*
and ken and andrew can even draw reali nice slamdunk pictures... wow.. never knew before.
*yn still in shocked and excited haze*

and yeh... started reading Bleach last friday... using fast rmh computers.
good manga r so few while the bad ones r everywhere. always feeling reluctant to read any new mangas(especially long popular ones in fear of being disappointed) since i am always in such attitude: this one is popular? r u sure its good? i better it is no match for Slamdunk or Rurouni Kenshin... i will just go back to those to get my enjoyment and not waste time on the new ones...
so yeh read a few new mangas last month or so... none too interesting... discontinued after mostly one volume i would say for the vast majority...
but Bleach is not bad... although absolutely no match for slamdunk or rurouni kenshin... but at least i didn't give it up without a second glance. much like a tough version of fruit basket,and rips off the shinsengumi culture as well...
But its reali not bad.
Anything for me to want to continue reading is not bad.

Before 21

The other day i realised that a big burden on my heart is gone, gone without me noticing... and suddenly realised that although i thought myself to be obsessive,我居然是個拿得起放得下的人呢﹗start to have sum good impression of myself now...LOL
the nite before i turned 20 i was lamenting my past youth... and dreading the ever faster aging process..
much more calm about 21 now... wisdom do increase with age as they say.
so would love to use this opportunity to look at my life, and count my blessings:
I know of the wonderful creator. He loves me despite all my doubts, grumbles, and negligence. My thoughts may change, my attitude may change, my personality may change, i may doubt i may get angry... but i won't leave this place just cos He is the Rock of eternity and i am certain of that.
I had scare of leukemia, i had scare of breast cancer.. but i am still well and sound, except for a little low bp problem... I will live and not waste away this gift of good health.
being a great passive misanthropist... i am still astonished at the blessing of so many friends i have around me... who gave me great company, great fun and laughter, and gave me insight into ur lives, and most importantly, that whatever direction i fall, i know there wil be pairs of hands to support me.
I have a pen that can draw, may be far from enuf of earning me a living... but i am still able to draw cartoon pics of friends, to see smiles upon their faces.
I have a pen that can write, prob not enuf to live on,but enuf for me to put down my imagination in logical readeable order... and i can finish 50000 words in one month...then post it for a post forum of ppl to read, to be inspired... for misrepresented ideas to be portray in an accurate true light, for His truth to be told to people in a way most acceptable to them.
everytime i count my blessings i am always struck with the doubt that if i value my blessings, does it mean when they r taken away i wil be upset?
I probably will... if my health, my friends, my ability to read and write and draw are gone... i probably would find it really really hard to accept with a good grace and be thankful to God...
but i will not be afraid of my own weaknesses, i trust in the days ahead, He will teach me and equip me more for His work, whether by trials or by blessings.

我依然會遲疑﹐依然會焦慮﹐依然會發火﹐但是我會一直走過去。

怨念

Went to donate blood 2day.... and got chucked out by ppl.... cos i hav hepatitis................................wahahahahahahahaha.....
Just that my blood pressure is shockingly low... diastolic only 47.... and they r scared that i would faint after they stab me...
2moro the booking is all full... next wk prob can't... sigh..........
and i binge ate and drank over the wkend just for this.............. *rolling on the floor sobbing*
grumble grumble grumble...
and should check my blood pressure more often....
怨念z

Drowning in formaldehyde

i never consider cadavers as something unpleasant.... and my appetite for dinner usually increase after dissection...
not today...
dissected with angel today and had a body with an extremely bad odour.................. why it smelt so bad i had no idea, prob cos it has so much fat... *sigh*
and the worst thing is that my hayfever season, instead of spring, is annually in august... and i think for the past 2 wks i actually learnt to be sensitive to formaldehyde to sum degree...
so yeh standing with my face less than 10cm away from the cadaver.. my eyes were sore, my head is heavy.. and i felt the urge to go on a sneezing bout every 2 or 3 minutes... not pleasant..... seriously not pleasant...
fortunately has tutoring so left early... no more drowning in formaldehyde...

pathetic ads ppl

i think my blog is turning into a pathetic ads space............
if this happens again i will consider shutting it down and use sth else.

Misplaced Trust

read the RBC column first thing in the morning.... so true!!!
whenever i try hard at something, i feel that i would become increasingly dependent on the outcome of it... and i think it is dangerous, therefore i don't try at all...
wats the distinguishing line btw dependent and non-dependent? does complaining one sentence mean u r dependent? does saying its nothing while suppressing a fume inside meaning u r dependent?
Like wat we always say its the heart condition.. but do we reali understand wat we think and feel all the time? subconsciously u may already be dependent even when u feel otherwise.
i must confess i am far from the stage i can say that i depend on God and not my own thoughts, my own effort and people around me... no matter how many pretty words i can say... how much i can console other ppl about relying on Him..

Been Thinking About: Misplaced Trust

If God is good, but good isn’t God, how do we avoid making some of our worst mistakes with the best things in life?

In an effort to clarify the problem of misplaced trust, what if we said to our hearts: Love God, but don’t depend on your love for Him. Seek to know Him, but don’t rely on your own understanding. Make it your purpose to serve Him, but don’t ever imagine that He’s indebted to your service. Make it your objective to please Him, but don’t depend on your own efforts to do so.

Listen to your conscience, but don’t depend on your own ability to discern right from wrong. Plan your way, but don’t presume to know what’s ahead.

Seek good relationships, but don’t depend on good relationships. Try to find the company of wise people, but don’t stake your life on their counsel. Know the Word of God, but don’t make a god of your knowledge. Surround yourself with good teachers, but don’t idolize them. Feel sorrow for your sin, but don’t count on your sorrow to assure rightness with God.

Count your money and manage it well, but don’t suppose that any amount of money can secure safety or satisfaction. Establish budgets to discipline your use of resources, but don’t depend on your budgets. Work hard, but don’t depend on your work.

Sacrifice for the sake of others, but don’t depend on your sacrifice. Be generous, but don’t depend on your generosity. Seek to be self-disciplined, but don’t rely on your own self-discipline. Seek at all costs to be good, but don’t rely on your own goodness or godliness.

Be clever, but don’t depend on your cleverness. Seek to be wise, but don’t trust your wisdom. Try to understand yourself and others, but don’t lean on your own communication skills.

Be kind, but don’t rely on your kindness. Love others, but don’t be proud of your own love. Give gifts to others, but don’t depend on your gifts to accomplish the intent for which you gave them. Work hard to be a peacemaker, but don’t make peace into a god. Be faithful to others, but don’t rely on your own faithfulness.

Seek to be successful, but don’t bank on your own accomplishments. Try to be efficient, but don’t rely on your own efficiency. Be careful, but don’t depend on your own carefulness. Work to make good decisions, but don’t depend on your own decisions. Develop a strategy, but don’t count on your strategies. Set goals, but don’t depend on your goals. Define clear and measurable objectives, but don’t count on your objectives.

Pray, but don’t make an idol out of your prayers. Make worship a priority, but don’t depend on your worship. Know your spiritual gifts, but don’t pin your faith on them.

Entrust yourself to others, but don’t depend on others. Follow good leaders, but don’t depend on good leaders. Surround yourself with good advisors, but don’t rely on your advisors. Read good books, but don’t depend on books. Value friendships, but don’t depend on your friends. Be careful about your appearance, but don’t rely on good looks. Try to stay healthy, but don’t depend on your own efforts to be healthy. Enjoy rest, but don’t live for your weekends. Exercise your body, but don’t trust your exercise to assure well-being and health. Try to live a long life, but don’t count on a long life.

Enjoy good times, but don’t depend on good times. Be thankful for today’s provisions, but don’t lean on these provisions for tomorrow.

Value a good education, but don’t worship education. Learn from your mistakes, but don’t depend on what you’ve learned. Use technology, but don’t depend on technology. Invest your money wisely, but don’t count on your investments.

Try to think clearly, but don’t depend on your own thoughts. Try to reason logically, but don’t be conceited about your own thoughtfulness. Value your accomplishments, but don’t become puffed up over them.

Honor your parents, but don’t live for your parents’ approval. Love your children, but don’t make gods of them. Enjoy your grandchildren. Pray for them. Give them your love and example. But don’t tie your hopes and dreams to their choices.

Father, help us to hear You when You urge the wise not to trust in their wisdom, nor the strong to depend on their strength. Help us to hear You when You invite us to rely on this and this alone—that we know You, the everlasting God (Jeremiah 9:23-24). Teach us, Father, to trust what You have done for us through the undeserved provisions of Your Spirit, Your Son, and Your grace.

And help us to hear your servant when he lovingly writes, “The Son of God has come and has given us an understanding, that we may know Him who is true; and we are in Him who is true, in His Son Jesus Christ. This is the true God and eternal life. Little children, keep yourselves from idols” (1 John 5:20-21).

Ume.... and lamenting an aging cat

was walking back from library today and saw on the side of the road... a ume(aka plum blossom)tree blossomed.... was staring at it for a while almost transfixed...
its rare to see such a sight in australia... still remember the years i had in China when ppl are all obsessed and overboard with the "personified" quality of ume... of being unique, battling the adverse surroundings and offering beautiful flowers to ppl in cold winter days, that ume almost became a tool of lecture and propaganda and most of us i believe were turned off from ume since young...
when we write abt our fav flower we would never say ume...thinking its just so uncool...
but today when i am standing in front of that solitary tree.... see some budding... some blossoming... I just realised... how heavenly beautiful is ume... in the clean wintry air... just beyond words to describe!
walking along closer to home... i realised that was a fluffy ball stationary on a neighbour's fence... and realised its the abandoned old black cat well known in our neighbouhood.. now reali old... fur all puffed up, just lying there still not even bothering to move at the sound of footsteps...
remembering myself in yr 10 very obsessed with slamdunk... and doing my utmost to impersonate Rukawa...(who in one scene beckons a black cat) it was with such delight that i met face to face with that black cat one day... and practised my beckoning gesture on him... and for many days afterwards, not realising that the cat was abandoned by the owner thats why it was looming around in the streets.
5 yrs ago the cat was still young... just abandoned... still energetic, seeking love and attention....
5 yrs later he hardly cares. His eyes are cold and apathetic, with no self-pity nor sadness.

Get Happy--Dorothy the Dinosaur

Yesterday was making my way to home and just walking pass the big Dorothy the Dinosaur in Box Hill Centro... Suddenly realised how cute and adorable it it... that it brought a big smile upon my face...
its reali true that when we were small, we get happy by simple joys of seeing a big dinosaur, picking up some colourful flowers, eating a piece of dumpling... etc etc.. and as we become older and older... these things start to lose their appeals to us more and more... until we become so apathetic and their existences become to insignificant for us to notice or appreciate.
Life is full of troubles and trials... but that does not mean we should lose the ability to be happy, to appreciate the little beauties of life.
Yesterday 8 of us had a Christian gathering at Andrew's house... before i leave was reading the Bible... came upon 1 Corithians 15 from a new light:
15The spiritual man makes judgments about all things, but he himself is not subject to any man's judgment:
Just reali encouraged me that I am going to a gathering for God... and my parents, or anyone not believing can misunderstand if they want to... but I do not have to be subject to their judgements... cos the mystery of God's wonders they haven't experienced yet.
sense of freedom can sometimes come just so simply...