Before 21

The other day i realised that a big burden on my heart is gone, gone without me noticing... and suddenly realised that although i thought myself to be obsessive,我居然是個拿得起放得下的人呢﹗start to have sum good impression of myself now...LOL
the nite before i turned 20 i was lamenting my past youth... and dreading the ever faster aging process..
much more calm about 21 now... wisdom do increase with age as they say.
so would love to use this opportunity to look at my life, and count my blessings:
I know of the wonderful creator. He loves me despite all my doubts, grumbles, and negligence. My thoughts may change, my attitude may change, my personality may change, i may doubt i may get angry... but i won't leave this place just cos He is the Rock of eternity and i am certain of that.
I had scare of leukemia, i had scare of breast cancer.. but i am still well and sound, except for a little low bp problem... I will live and not waste away this gift of good health.
being a great passive misanthropist... i am still astonished at the blessing of so many friends i have around me... who gave me great company, great fun and laughter, and gave me insight into ur lives, and most importantly, that whatever direction i fall, i know there wil be pairs of hands to support me.
I have a pen that can draw, may be far from enuf of earning me a living... but i am still able to draw cartoon pics of friends, to see smiles upon their faces.
I have a pen that can write, prob not enuf to live on,but enuf for me to put down my imagination in logical readeable order... and i can finish 50000 words in one month...then post it for a post forum of ppl to read, to be inspired... for misrepresented ideas to be portray in an accurate true light, for His truth to be told to people in a way most acceptable to them.
everytime i count my blessings i am always struck with the doubt that if i value my blessings, does it mean when they r taken away i wil be upset?
I probably will... if my health, my friends, my ability to read and write and draw are gone... i probably would find it really really hard to accept with a good grace and be thankful to God...
but i will not be afraid of my own weaknesses, i trust in the days ahead, He will teach me and equip me more for His work, whether by trials or by blessings.

我依然會遲疑﹐依然會焦慮﹐依然會發火﹐但是我會一直走過去。