"normal"

I had a good day today.
this morning reg and consultant, with full smiles, came over to the HMO office after ECT, just to pick me up to go to breakfast with them. Consultant shouted us coffee, and reg waved to the counter lady: tax invoice tax invoice please! then turning to consultant: you need to salary package... blah blah blah~ LOL
then had lunch with reg... reg as petite as tiff... she ate this massive plate of chips.. o.O then consultant gave me and reg a tute on depression after lunch. He also suggested us to read Kafka. He found his works of interest in a psych way, very fine examples of thought disorders and ambivalence... o.O
i stayed "late" to the other HMO's horror, but finished most of the paperwork. slowly doing things more efficiently now.

i think i have been feeling very lonely at work, seeing mad ppl and nurses ONLY most of the time. I dont get a chance to run into ppl on wards or corridors. i dont get a chance to even lanpage ppl cos no one lanpages on the psych ward and it just doesnt work on the computers.
normal human contact can just make me very happy.
even wen i look back to my sunday cover i really wasnt so "traumatised". I actually felt good in a sense, able to talk to bei, occasionally paging sanka, and nice med reg always just a phone call away...
and the reason why monday morning was so "refreshing", was that reg and I did paperwork together and we chatted as we did things.

i liked psych so far, but i do realise the potential horror of it.
The sense of isolation can just be so overwhelming when you are flooded with mad ppl all day.
and i dont know... even though the med nurses were annoying with their pages...and i seriously derealised and depersonalised under pressure, but they just felt more "normal" and didnt make me feel so..."by myself"---in similar ways as how mad ppl made me feel.
thought hard about it, still cant rationalise my feelings.
and i thought i am so otaku that i would never mind being on my own... i never realised i only become really "on my own" when i cannot turn to the support of fobby stuff i enjoyed...

anyways nothing concrete, my impression of everything in 8 wks time may be very different.

reg told me the other day, rather sympathetically:
lots of psychiatrists are gay, many are lesbians, the rest have a 50% divorce rate.

LOL what a bleak prospect..

but i guess if one is in the habit of psychoanalysing everyone and does professional naming calling to those closest, its really not a surprise for one to end up divorced.
psych doctors dont have the right to look down and disrespect everyone else, deluded that they have the power of mind reading.
neither does a church person have the right to look down on the mental health system, just because they dont get such troubles.

mum has refused to allow me shouting her and dad a CNY dinner.
she sent out the message clear. i really want NOTHING, but ur obedience to my beneficial directions for u in life.
I cant help but think about what i read and remembered as a child: a magistrate who doesnt embezzle can be 10 times more horrible than a magistrate who does.
she has a long standing habit of making ppl feel bad during times of celebration.
but when i was driving, i saw an awesome number plate: FC 8888.
It made me laugh, and feel very 过年.
and i will go shopping tomorrow and forget about all that.