Yesterday nite got so amazed reading about malaria... Mosquitos actually have salivary glands!!!! and gut mucosa as well!!!! to imagine such a puny little thing would have a complete set of digestive system reali amazed me... so cute!
I better stop calling them cute before Sally decides to hack me down with an axe...
Today at clinical placement.... saw a guy with a pedunculated wart on the flexor side of his arm... a realli big irregular-shaped pinky one... and it looks just like a miniature pink-skin potato........ with the strains of haemorrhage that looks like the pink skin creases... and also bits of pus coming out that look like the shoots coming out of non-fresh potatoes......
OK i better stop being graphic before everyone else decides to hack me down.....
but yeh saw a mini surgery as the doctor cuts away the wart.... and uses liquid nitrogen to freeze the base....... highlight of the day. ^0^
Dinner appetite unaffected.
Emetic
bad paranoia
yesterday talking with ppl on msn and when my hand was feeling around my neck i suddenly felt a small round pea like prominence on the left side of my neck.... got freaked out and started to ask adrian about lymph nodes.... he kind of diagnosed and said it should be fine..... infection type swelling..
and sally diagnosed something similar as well....
but the prob is that i dun normally get swollen lymph nodes for infections... and the lymph node is not tender as it should be...
but yeh slept early...
and 2day in the morning studied for some pbl... the learning issue being examination of the lymph nodes... reali didn't help... read abt all the comparison btw infection and malignancy.... then just got so paranoid feeling over the prominence over and over again.. is it moving, not moving??? why is it not tender since it should be tender in infections?? isn't it a bit bigger than yesterday??? how come its not going away.......
so yeh... got really really really paranoid that i couldn't even function properly.... even thinking up about all the possibility of cancers and how scary would it be if i end my life so young without any contribution to ppl..
so yeh... our family already have a tendency to be paranoid abt health status.. while as my water half-bucket knowledge of medicine... kind of exacebates this paranoia tendency... really not a gd thing......
either i will hav to study more.. or reali force a stop on this paranoia......
little mermaid
In complete relaxation mood....
watched Young Andersen.... taped yesterday from SBS.... before just taped it because its a period drama and abt the fairytale writer Andersen... expected something kiddish.. feel-good comedy....
But i was so wrong......
it was a sad....... dark piece that really explored the dark complexity of human character.... and the filming technique is really powerful... i was surprised... a movie from Denmark so beautifully done... almost like unexpectedly finding a jewel...
strongly recommended.... anyone who wants to watch it can ask me....*grin*
Thoughts drifted back to the Andersen fairytales i read as a kid.... and once i think in Grade 4 the whole class of us went to see a Little Mermaid play.... up to the scene where the witch gave little mermaid a knife and tell her to kill the prince so she won't die.... up on the stage little mermaid was struggling kill or not to kill..... while the whole class of us... (at least 50) all stood up and yelled: KILL! KILL! KILL!
i bet everyone else sitting there that day watching the play all got so freaked out..... grade 4 kids already so murderous....... and 50 of them.....
dunno why.... at that time we reali thought to kill reali made sense??hmm.....
but yeh...... my primary school friends and myself r all pretty decent law abiding ppl now.... so no need to sweat.....haha (everyone: r u sure????)
Revising Dae Jang Geum again...... its such a brilliant TV series!!! and so inspiring.... abt never to give up in adverse circumstances..... one of the most beautiful lines:
" 長今, 妳是那種即使放在雪地上 也會開出美麗花朵的種子 "
take care everyone,
Aging grace
Went on clinical placement yesterday, wasn't too exciting. With a female doctor who is not reali that kind or jolly happy.... but she is quite skillful in dealing with difficult patients... Remind me a bit of Dr Asada from Team Medical Dragon....
Yes i think although would be a bit scary... but i definitely would enjoy learning from a doctor like Asada, rather than the more professionally compassionate but distant doctors.
So yeah: a dream for clinical school... get to know a doctor like Asada and follow him/her around to learn stuff...^0^
In the afternoon went to a nursing home to check up on 2 residents... 1 is really depressing: has Parkinsons and also a malig BCC which she denied that she has... the doctor tried to tell her but she was just like.. you ppl r joking, i don't believe you... and she laughed it off......
the other lady is much more pleasant.. having dementia...she yet is still so optimistic abt life... enjoying chocolates..... getting ppl in to do her nails for her.. And most amazing is when her daughter visits her(the daughter knows the doc as well) and start to tell us about her own husband who just recovered from a serious illness... and suddenly the mum...lying on bed said to her daughter... you know why he wasn't feeling that bad during the whole thing??? because I was praying for him!!!
Soooooooooooooooo............. sweet! *imagine yn's hearts flying around the room and undergoing binary fission that moment*
Then when we were waiting outside the room for the doctor to chat to the patient.. i saw an old guy sitting with head downcast, very silent and still.. near the doorway in the courtyard..... As soon as the thought 'the embodiment of life wasting away' cross my head.... i suddenly remembered Sherlock Holmes and Saitou Hajime....
What happened to them in their old days?
Sherlock retired to Sussex and became a beekeeper...... but at the end of his days.... was he so silent.. immobile and so vulnerably in need of care? And being an incurable Sherlockian romantic as i am.. the old guy may well be Sherlock..... retiring to a place no one knows.... doing nothing yet knowing that he has done so much...
And Saitou Hajime (he is a real historical figure) the fiece and capable Shinsengumi captain who lived by his motto Aku Zoku Zan(Evil Just Kill)...... in face of all failures... shame.. danger... loss..... betrayal.... and never gave up his belief.... what happend to him in his old age?
He became a cleaner, together with his wife.... at an early 20th century female university in Tokyo....
But if he still has his memories..... Saitou is still Saitou.... Shinsengumi 3rd division captain...
and i was a bit touched at the thought of that....
Doing devotional 2day and digged out a book I haven't read for a long time... 1st chapter, reali inspired, about Amy Carmichael and once after an injury the ambulance drove her almost fell into a ravine:
If [the ambulance] had gone over, would we say prayer was unanswered? It is a petty view of our Father's love and wisdom which demands or expects an answer according to our demand, apart from his wisdom.
We see hardly one inch of the narrow lane of time. To our God eternity lies open as a meadow. It must seem strange to the heavenly family who have seen the beautiful end of the Lord, that we should ever question what love allows to be, or ever call a prayer unanswered when the answer isn't what we expected. Isn't no answer an answer? And when a 'fatal' accident occurs, I feel like adding, 'isn't heaven an answer?'
still remember myself as a baby Christian, read this, got shocked.... and decide to put it aside and not read it cos its a bit too "powerful", but now... i know its so true.....
and as a finale of blogging during the Easter break...here is the lyrics of a song i reali liked, the singer isn't gd, the music is rip-off from jay..... but i love the lyrics....
逍遙嘆
歲月難得沉默秋風厭倦漂泊
夕陽賴著不走挂在牆頭舍不得我
昔日伊人耳邊話已和潮聲向東流
再回首往事也隨楓葉一片片落
愛已走到盡頭恨也放棄承諾
命運自認幽默想法太多由不得我
壯志凌云几分愁知己難逢几人留
再回首卻聞笑傳醉夢中
笑談詞窮古痴今狂終成空
刀鈍刃乏恩斷義絕夢方破
路荒遺灘飽覽足跡沒人懂
多年望眼欲穿過紅塵滾滾我沒看透
詞嘲墨盡千情万怨英杰愁
曲終人散發花鬢白紅顏社賵搘敵捻O日爭輝徒消瘦
當淚干血隱狂涌白雪紛飛都成空
an ancient sentimentality.......LOL
water running through ur fingers...
when i was washing my hands 2day was just struck by a good feeling as water run through my fingers.... a bit of a gentle, protective feeling, and also a bit reminding me of the passage of time... prehaps because of reading my dad's book: The Last Aristocrats.. abt the fate of famous scholars in China during the cultural revolution period... reali well written, though very melancholic... but also abt resilience with grace.. not like most of the memoirs in the market: self-promoting and swearing and complaining and self-pitying: i have suffered so much! i am still in pain!!!
so yep, just some very simple joys of life. ^0^
