In memory of Simon Ng and the thought of heaven

Yesterday wendy showed me Simon Ng's blog. (http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=ToTo247) Although i know of that gruesome story ages ago... to be able to see that fateful blog entry was slightly overwhelming...
What was he thinking in the last hr of his life? i reali wonder...
Was he so oblivious of the impending danger that he kept on rambling abt his jap homework? Or he sensed something majorly wrong, but was trying to self distract and sound ok in order to normalise the situation?
When crisis arises, at least for me... my coping strategy often is to normalise, to seek a route back to the normal ways. Like when i had my cancer scare, i just wish that all is normal, i can still study for my exam despite how unwilling i was, i can still get told off by mum for trivial matters... as long as they r normal...
reading his comment about the cleaned floor... is just sad... really sad... If he knew what will happen next? will he not worry abt the cost, break the window and run for his life?
Not sure if he was a Christian or not, but it is amazing reading the 3 thousand something comments how many of them said "RIP in heaven".... seems it is the only appropriate thing to say and the only thing ppl want to say... (it does sound strange if u say: have a prosperous and happy next life...in Buddhist theory)
it just sounds weird if it turns into a mere good wish... (although i am sure i am fully capable of saying it to comfort people b4 i believed)
in fact i must confess that my idea of heaven has become less and less favourable after i become a Christian... having believed b/c i thought my current life was going out of control... i was never attracted to believe because of heaven...
and i mostly often have this feeling that it is just somewhere i wil end up eventually... if sin does not take over me and send me to eternal fire. i don't remember myself feeling excited about heaven at all... The description in Revelation about New Jerusalem walled in precious stones really does not have much appeal... And since whether married ppl r still married in heaven still sounds debatable in different books... i sometimes tend to have a nightmarish image of heaven in which family cease to be family, friends cease to be friends, and everyone wear white gowns and get numbered off into different places.
This sounds rather horrible so ppl plz rebuke me and so we won't live under strange negative impressions...
i still remember the time i talked to danielle and ariel about heaven one saturday nite..
1st we were talking about PLC old collegian association.. and danielle said to me: being called Old Collegians feels like we are already old ladies having afternoon teas... i don't feel like getting old....
and i, having just recovered from my little cancer scare early in the week, said: oh we can get old and have afternoon tea...... IF we r lucky.
danielle, knowing what i had went thru in that wk, immediately said: thats true, but otherwise we will just have Old Collegian afternoon tea in heaven, even better!
and ariel also added: u know when we r in heaven we can meet Einstein and Newton and stuff and we can ask them all about physics! (she is very enthusiastic abt physics as u can c) can't wait!
Their words almost reduced me to tears... even today whenever i thought about the Old Collegian afternoon tea.. i feel like i want to go to heaven.
i should have more faith in God who provided my life so abundantly. it is absurd that when i have such confidence in His work in my life now, to think that His plan for us in heaven would be poor and grim.