so... neurology is therapeutic.
but i will not forget those who looked after me in days past...
H... every bit of your kindness, your time spent listening, bits and pieces you did for me, counted in making my days a bit more bearable.
G... found you scary initially...but then you became rather entertaining. and the chance to witness how a life can be saved by everything happening appropriately and timely because of you... is priceless.
J... hoped i could work as your resident! (but then we would be shit magnet x2~） can always remember those small but really important gestures of kindness and encouragement you showered upon us even when you yourself were going through immense stress. such are the things that inspired me.
and the haem regs... cannot express my gratitude enough... the two of you, and your sharp, candid words, really have been my source of wisdom and support.
i am sceptical about what's perceived as the wow factor in the christian world.
someone rude and swearing becoming "nice" and... non-swearing ?
appearing bold and courageous about adverse life events?
completely unimpressive.
i most appreciate honesty in a christian.
to me:
the more sincere and candid one is about his/her weaknesses and defeat, and the more willingness to share these with the generation to come--
the more wow factors one possesses.
the wow factor
Hope
I will look forward to:
the neurology rotation where ppl i will be working with have all taught me when i was a student, where I will get to see the diagnosis of many psych patients...
the unlikely though not impossible opportunity next year to witness my friends morphing into wonderful med regs on the ward and being loved by interns...
I will look forward to these things...
and pray that I can steadily walk through the small pool of muddy water in front of me for the next 6 weeks.
that I will not become hopeless and give up.
Masha has a new song~
Hotaru is so nice... despite the style.
I hardly ever found a Masha song great on first listen... (probably except Keshin) but for some strange reasons mostly of them inevitably end up becoming favourites played over and over without me getting sick of them. (and thats largely independent of my love for Masha himself :D)
anyway FM has been so active for the past 3 years I kind of feared that he will burn out... after all he's the type that likes to do things at his own pace and take prolonged breaks from time to time. Last yr with Keshin I almost thought he was about to become depressed... @__@ LOL but I think with Ryoma this yr... he has picked up so well~ and has thus given fans so much more reasons to be joyous. ^___^
Please continue to be this way~ *hearts*
---------------------------------a line to separate one obsession from another------------
I haven't blogged in english for a while... for the past 1 month plus i have been playing hard with my imaginary friends again... LOL ie. watching slamdunk for the 50th time probably. Really felt like a good catch-up with high school friends... Yes... maybe I attended PLC, but at the same time i also attended this other high school called Slamdunk~ LOL
and ideas for the new story i want to tell just kept coming~ coming~... even after the trauma of losing my initial draft...
probably for the rest of my life the only things I will have real passion writing for are slamdunk fanfics... *horror* *but maybe its not that bad!*
the greatest revelation this time: after reading SD for 10+ yrs... I finally realised what an awesome intelligent person Rukawa is... for the past 10+ yrs i thought he's this mere single cell organism with low IQ + EQ and who can't do anything except basketball... LOL
and Jin-san, Maki-san, and Kiyota-chan~ you guys really really felt like friends from high school... ^___^ i hope i can push forward with this story about all you three lovely ppl.
wander restlessly
There are always a few things you would not learn to appreciate until you are older. Fixing life and values too early prob is not a great idea...sometimes.
I never liked A Dream of Red Mansions before 25yo despite having read the book at least 7-8 times when i was half that age. After all it was the easiest one to read out of the big four. When i was young i despised romances and preferred stimulation from fighting, heros, smart people getting their ways etc etc.
I think I have finally reached the age to start gasping at the beautiful nuances, the intensely complex structure, the endearing personalities...
...and appreciating the costly lifelong effort that was solely invested in this book.
I have been reading Nietzsche quotes... think I got instantly attracted by this:
"Of all that is written I love only that which is written with blood. Write with blood: and you will discover that blood is spirit."
Just... impressive.
Though I prob love Rilke more. Thinking about the following lines can always stir up so much emotion inside me~ never knew why. hmmm... the power of poetry? LOL
Who now has no house, builds no more.
Who is now alone, will long remain so,
will stay awake, read, write long letters
and will wander restlessly here and there
in the avenues, when the leaves drift.
2.0 BREAK
Dear Shinji Ikari, when i see you scream and kick and fight like a man and take the initiative with your girl, i do not know if its a good thing, or bad.
Dear Rei Ayanami, when my beloved bandage goddess seems to have acquired all the bandaids from... cooking attempts?, i do not know if I should laugh, or cry.
Dear Asuka Langley Soryu (or is it Shikinami now?!), when you out of all people become the altruistic third wheel, i do no know if that makes me feel happy, or sad.
but I have missed you all, all these years.
and so glad to have met you all again. 
Favourites.
After forcing myself to do a few unpleasant but very necessary tasks, I decide to do something pleasant to reward myself and feel happy... well... until that on-call phone rings and the next misery hits... 囧
A conversation a few days back:
why are you so pessimistic? said my happy rehab reg.
I don't know. I replied: though what you say sounds rather familiar... am sure my med reg last yr asked me the exact same thing...
rehab reg: ....
(prob thinking: so hopeless...)
anywayz----------------------- (thats the separation line)
My most favourite man and woman... in the same photo. (Sorry Kou-chan, who's a very 囧 background.) However I fail to see any chemistry between Masha and Maya Miki. They don't fit that well... hmm... at least it seems to me.
so they shall remain as my favourites, separately. :D
but here is my fav couple. Good-looking 40-something auntie + not-so-good-looking 40-something uncle. Superintendents Okita-san and Muroi-san, ever since watching Suspect Muroi Shinji, I have yet to find another couple who can spark more chemistry than between the two of you. :)
and I think Masha goes well with Kou-chan. They both have this "anxious" kind of look.(-_-||| don't know how to describe) The other day I found this photo among my collection and thought it looked very very nice. 
and Kou-chan is going down the path of becoming a really beautiful auntie! saw her photo from Oh-Oku... *in love*
When Keanus become happy blobs...
Had a REALLY GOOD day today.
If i don't write the above words down, I will for sure forget about it and think i have not had good things happening to me and I am feeling so defeated all the time blah blah blah...
my current registrar is one very kind, gentle, giant happy blob. When he talks to the consultants they have to poke their heads around his shoulder to make sure i am there. over the course of last 3 wks his lunch box has drastically downsized to 1 small plastic bowl half filled with veggies b/c of his recent dx of dyslipidemia and glucose intolerance. Apparently his wife banned him from having adequate oral intake for dinner too. >_<
Today he asked me to certify some of his documents. I looked at his passport,and I was petrified. We know what passport photos can look like, but he had a cool skinny face and looked just like Keanu Reeves in his photo! (I mean for a passport photo even Keanu Reeves may not look as good as Keanu Reeves... 囧)
Apparently the passport photo was a mere 3 years ago. I was @__@ and really couldn't hold back from asking "What happened?" He said he has had many exams for the past 3 years and liked to binge-eat when he studied and hence became this blob now. And he sounded really sad... :( am sure his wife is sad too. Its understandable when one married Keanu but got a happy blob now and one wants to get Keanu back, but maybe Keanus should not become happy blobs IN THE FIRST PLACE... 囧
I caught up with Maxine today and went to Koorong for the first time in more than a year's time. Its beautiful doing things that seemed to be only memories from your student years, and in a very beautiful weather too. It was SO GOOD being listened to, being understood, and being encouraged. will treasure this memory~ :) I hope you had an enjoyable afternoon too (despite my conversation these days being so devoid of any good things).
and I found the book I wanted from Koorong. Without a title and author, I managed to pick it out... O__O(and it was discounted too) Anyway its been a while since I last read a non-fob book and couldnt put it down. 2 chapters into this and my stomach is already aching from laughing too much.
Good humour is always serious. I strongly recommend:
I'm Fine with God... It's Christians I Can't Stand by Bruce Bickel and Stan Jantz
prophesy(quote, unquote) 2
from 2009:
masha has a new album. on the album cover he has this new 2-min-noodle hairstyle.
i am so horrified that i cant even decide whether i can still like him or not.
surely someone with such horrible taste... >.<.........
or maybe his new album will be so good that i can overlook everything else. ^-^
yep i got so turned off by 2min noodles that i didnt listen to Keshin until like end of last year.
And even to my own surprise, Keshin is now my favourite Masha song. The song was so good that even 2min noodles became very appealing indeed.
and now I have to pay for my superficiality. First edition of that album was all....SOLD OUT~~~~ -__-|||||
prophesy(quote, unquote)
I am usually afraid of looking through my old blogs. afraid of the stupidity, and especially, the bad English from time to time. -__-||||
Tonight I was just too agitated by the on-call phone and decided that reading anything will distract... 囧 It has the worst possible ring tone but I still haven't figured out a way to change it! anyway... too much stupidity already~ -__-||||
It is kind of defeating to read words back in 07 and realise that they have become reality(despite the fact that my mood actually has a marked improvement this yr so far comparing to 2nd half of last yr):
"do i want to continue in this useless inadequacy struggling to please everyone & everything with my life and finding that i have failed in every aspect, especially... that I have failed myself...& God?"
囧. I don't know what else I can say at this point of time.
What Evangelicals and Atheists have in common
This is so good I can't find a word to describe. http://www.outofur.com/archives/2010/04/what_evangelica.html
i wonder sometimes why we still put up with some people's crap. or i probably should only say I regretted every single moment in the past when I put up with such crap and thought I was doing the right thing.
Keshin
LOL I don't know how many times I will end up talking about this MV.
It rekindled my love for Masha at the end of last yr.
the other day I realised with much surprise that since watching this MV I have acquired at least 3 new clothes items in that shade of blue.
and the madness continues... I got my first ipod yesterday... >.< (for many years i never thought i will need or want an ipod!)
when i browsed the shelf I just stared at the blue one and thought: how wonderful it will be to play Keshin on that blue ipod nano!
this is worse than being materialistic, this is pure random purchase out of obsession. O__O.....
anyway cant describe the joy I felt when I watched Keshin on the ipod. I even named it "Keshin". LOL
Keshin by Fukuyama Masaharu
Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans
As above.
and... poster for the movie I badly want to watch this yr. I hope the English subs come out before 2011.
*aside: but its full of old & ugly ppl!*
*more aside: yes it is. though I hate to admit. >_<*
I just HEART the word "happiness" put next to Sumire-san~ :)
囧 What an article that speaks to the heart...*guilt*
http://www.kyria.com/topics/spiritualformation/theologyspiritualissues/10.78.html
i sometimes wonder why even in my worst days i still can find Christianity Today articles so readable.
anyway strongly recommend.
MUROI-SAN you are finally getting a promotion!!!
DANCE AGAIN.
Anyway, Odoru Daisousasen The Movie 3 is finally going to be out in 2010...
after this many years. >.<
and its absolutely delightful to know that lovely Muroi-san is going be promoted in this movie... after being ostracisized to Hiroshima in 2005 Yougisha Muroi Shinji.
*sigh* he will probably be demoted again at the end of this movie. 
and I hope Sumire-san is married to Aoshima by now. after all she is not young anymore.
though its a pity that the most beautiful female superintendent Okita will be missing from this movie... :(
I havent been watching too much of Fukuyama Ryoma at the moment.
A lot of ppl liked the Ryoma from Jin last year. Though I find the character too brainlessly exaggerated.
anyway, I trust Masha will be GOOD as Ryoma.
and there is at least something new:
Jin is prob one of the best medical dramas I have seen, very interesting setting. I think I havent seen Osawa Takao for years, and didnt know he can be so comical. LOL
Why do good dreams come when you dont necessary need them?
i used to sometimes come up with really organised storylines in my dreams, very exciting imaginary worlds, sometimes completely beyond my imagination say when i am alert + oriented.
when i was echucaing I found it really hard to survive and sometimes i prayed for just a good dream, pieces of imaginary goodness I could hang on to just to have some courage for a day.
but none came.
i took a nap this afternoon and dreamt about the early parts of Three Kingdoms.(i really havent thought about 3K for months)
similar story line but in a really different, ancient metropolitan kind of setting. Diao chan no longer a tool in political conspiracy but quite vocalising and has her agendas too. most amazing Zhou yu appeared early, ?with some dark past/secret involving death of a family member etc, and he's good looking for once... Thank goodness... how many movies/TV series i have to see where they HAD to make Zhuge Liang more handsome than Zhou yu?
Full of jap manga individualistic goodness.
Too bad I woke up before I found out what happend to Zhou yu.
I have prob spoken too early. Maybe I will have a traumatising night tonight.
