ended up working again 2day.. till 2... hahahah.... cos one of the gals who's meant to come in didn't turn up. so i sub in... *sob*
but yeh.. got my pay.... got wat i was planning to get from Swarovski... it is just.....STUNNING.
wasted time at home... eating Shanghainese xiao long bao.... and watching the news then bits of american idol... had a d&m with my dad about how disturbing it is that william hung became popular...
one of those funny days thats a bit out of routine...lol
was revising antibiotics... b4 i decided to come online again... sally and yi wei's blogs were majorly updated... read and enjoyed..^0^ then went like.. awww...... i want to write a post too on my blog.... *stuff antibiotics for now*
I am... a little bit overwhelmed by what God brought my attention to these few days.
monday nite my mum talked about my auntie(my mum's cousin actually)... who passed away when i was in year 12... for 7 months my mum didn't tell me the news... only when i finished exam she told me... and said: i didn't want to upset u when u had exams..
my mum was just remembering auntie's life and early days... had a bad childhood... parents divorced, and mother basically didn't want her...never had uni education, being a nurse she got a bf at 19... who was 21, the top medical student in his year... then the cultural revolution came... he was sent interstate to do medical services at some factory...where a fight between different political grps broke out... and not accustomed to the violence and bloody scene.. he went insane...
when he came back... his family was afraid that my auntie will leave him... so they really persuaded her to marry him... and she did.
although he was almost fully recovered to normal function he was a broken man, never again the talented medico my auntie anticipated him to be...
And she got dissatisfied at the match... complained, and sweared at him... very constantly.. a few years later they divorced... and at the time her husband had a very bad case of stomach ulcer and was on the verge of dying... all these didn't move her.. She left with the son.
She was bitter for all her life, ever since... hardly ever satisfied at anything... bitter about work, bitter about her house (which is pretty terrible and shabby i must say), bitter about her son's study, career... and bitter about certain family members...
then she was diagnosed with breast cancer... went through 2-3 yrs of tough treatment... then the malignant cells spread...
even when she was dying... my grandma went to see her... and she was like: I am never happy in my life... 我心裡真恨啊!
everytime i recall her story.. sadness just overwhelms me... her life is hard... lots of thing didn't go according to plan... lots of disappointments, frustrations...
just made me think... if i am in her position... wil i be bitter and frustrated like her? once u hav a bad attitude about one thing.. then things reali just become a downward spiral and nothing will feel rite... not to mention that some of the things happened were indeed anger provoking...
my life.. is good.. so blessed... i really can't think of anything that is seriously not going according to a way that i like... even like this... sometimes i feel frustrated, sometimes i get annoyed and angry... while most of the time... i just live in my own little world of goodness... so carefully making most things rite and good so there is no risk of frustration.
i am scared at the possibility of a life like my auntie's... despite i have God's asssurance... do i think my life is good, because of Him and Him alone? or just because i have my little world of goodness.. surrounded by so many good things?
2day was reading the herald sun on the tram.. despite its tabloidal nature....lol
Got very very shaken by the north blackburn shooting.. cos that is a shopping centre i frequent, and one of my close friends just lives 2 blocks away from there...
never actually had such an acutely feeling about the immense sense of security i have about my own little world... almost seems that the shooting is in a completely diff world... so violent and sinister... i had never expected it to happen in melbourne...
very mixed feeling about this incident... not even sure how to express them...
i know God is speaking to me through all these... i will hav to quieten down my heart to listen to Him.
i will finish by a paragraph of Eileen Chang:
時代的車轟轟地往前開。我們坐在車上，經過的也許不過是幾條熟悉的街衢，可是在漫天的火光中也自驚心動魄。就可惜我們只顧忙著在一瞥即逝的店鋪的櫥窗?找尋我們自己的影子——我們只看見自己的臉，蒼白，渺小：我們的自私與空虛，我們恬不知恥的愚蠢—— 誰都像我們一樣，然而我們每人都是孤獨的。
My little world
Posted by
YN
Wednesday, March 09, 2005
2 comments:
yep...saw the shooting on the front pages of the age and herald sun...too bad that i was not really shocked abt it...coz in m'sia(as my elder bro told me just now when i related this incident to him over the phone)...he said, "Now in K.L. alone, we have at least one murder case everyday..." so, in that sense, i am accustomed to all these horrible things that happen around me....or perhaps, numbed to all these....which I know isn't a good thing...coz we shud never think that these things shud happen on Earth, although it happens very frequently....
yep...being too sheltered or protected is a very blessed thing from God indeed....u shud be REALLLLY thankful to God for it... =)
however, like u say, prob God is speaking to u thru all these things....life's not that easy...prob God is even preparing u to face greater challenges in life....sometimes, i'm really dumbfounded just by considering what some of my friends have to go through... which I can't imagine the mixed emotions and feelings in their heart...like the death of one of their parent(thinking abt this...i have 5 friends who just had one of their parents passed away due to sicknesses)
Well...trust in God that He'll be the One who can see you through the downs of your life...while u keep on praising and thanking Him in the ups of ur life now... your faith has not been fully tested yet....make sure that u know when u face hard times in your life...that's when ur faith is stretched...it'll either break...or it'll end up being strengthened in the end...make sure yours is the latter one... =)
"He will keep you strong to the end, so that you will be blameless on the day of our Lord Jesus Christ. God, who has called you into fellowship with his Son Jesus Christ our Lord, is faithful. "( 1 Cor 1:8-9)
Woah, that is such a sad story... I can't help being spooked by the 19/21 thing, though I'm probably more likely to become insane than Dave is, I think... lol
(hehe, on that note, jus having conversation with someone on MSN, who said they wanted to learn Chinese, I jokingly suggested they do Med/Arts, and they were like 'hahaha... and go crazy soon'... and this is without having read my latest blog entries, lol)
Seriously though, it's very humbling to read something like that... brings into sharp relief all the blessings God has placed in my life so far... makes me so ashamed at all my complaining about irrational little things, when I don't live up to my own 'perfect' standards... when there is so much more to rejoice about, namely all the things God has given me in spite of my un-deserving-ness!
Before I get too self-absorbed tho... truly unfortunate what happened to your aunt... and I mean no matter what we say about the need to rejoice, it can still be sooo difficult, especially when it seems everything in your life, everything you've dreamed about, is going wrong, as it must have been for her in her marriage... and very sad that she left this world with such hate in her heart...
May God give us all the strength to rejoice in all our trials and sufferings... like Paul did:
'Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.'
Sally
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