Feel heavy hearted 2day... after reading a friend's email... almost cried but then decided to stop being so stupid. She shared with me not so that i could go all emotional and pity her misfortune. More importantly i know she wants me to understand her experience not as a misfortune, but a trial that she is going through and which she will be able to overcome. *sigh..... so much of me trying to make it all melodramatic....*
one of those days when i get reali annoyed at myself for being so petty... getting angry with my mum for getting angry about me wanting to spend NYE with friends... and freaked out at work thinking i mite get fired b/c boss ignored my when i said bye to him... *sigh*... really need to grow up more, a lot more... ^^
Asking around if anyone can help me to find any Bible verses that deal with pettiness.. Thanx. ^0^
Petty
All for birthdays and weddings
Feeling much better 2day, but realised there are so many things I have to get done. Rushed off to chadstone myer 1st thing in the morning... for a skirt to wear at a friend's wedding in January. Since i don't wear skirts i don't own skirts and i don't like buying them..*sigh*. But finally in the end found a beautiful jag skirt at richmond for just 30 bucks. Phew............. big prob solved. ^0^ All happy now.^0^
Once again... birthdays r coming up. always go broke around peak seasons feb, may and nov... even more terrible this year is that the majority are 21sts.... *sweat* already know wat to get for irene and 2day saw a strawberry and cream tea pack at T2 that has this absolutely beautiful aroma, which i noe will be perfect for chris. For the rest... wait till i shop a bit more..... *runs away*
And... hopefully can go again before all the sales end to find a good wedding present... *sweat*
Galatians 2:20
A bit beta but still not too well today... completely lost appetite... and now decided to ban myself from all oily, spicy, sour, and salty food... as well as my beloved coffee and tea... for a while at least... *sigh* Still very tired... beta sleep early 2nite.
tsunami still on tv... plz pray everyone. At such times ppl mite want to ask: where is God? The only thing we can say is: God's plan is above all plans... wat we can understand is only a small section of the work He is doing... Trust in Him.
Made donation to Red Cross this morning.... extremely extremely humble effort. But i am assured it will deliver some relief to some ppl under God's loving hand. ^0^
Been a while since I spoke about my thoughts on Biblical verses... there are certain times when i had an awesome God-send devotion time,but then was too late to put it down on my blog... and there are other times when I simply forgot to put it down when other things are on my mind. Not gd..not gd... ^0^
Influenced too much by popular belief, and by my own inadequate quality Bible reading, it seems to me that the only thing that Galatians has to offer is the fruit of the Spirit verse... This time when i read through it... realised it is such a brilliant book! many of the explanations regarding law and promise are certainly matching Hebrews!
There are many times... when we pay attention to the details... to the numerous things and struggles we have, we neglect the most fundamental big picture... and a verse about that can sometimes truly empower us and give us the strength we need.
Such is the joy I found in Galatians 2:20
I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.
God bless u all with joy,
Sick
Had a banana last nite and then felt my stomach being turned... Woke up this morning with stomach ache, a fever, joint soreness, and a very dizzy head. self medicated but now housebound. A good thing really, so i won't be running around feeling compelled to do things. got myself a hot water bottle and had a beautiful nap this morning around 10... so good. ^^ Now tidying up a few things on the net.
better take a nap again to ensure full recovery...
Christmas Wishes, Christmas Wishes....
I never took my friends seriously when they lit up the birthday candles for me and told me to make birthday wishes. ...Asif blowing out candles can make a difference to me! LOL
I have been in this mindset of being content with everything God has given me for very long, that everytime when people want me to make wishes, I never think about them properly.
But really my life can't be perfect, can it be?
Of course I know everything I need, God will provide when His timing comes, but prayers are still important so we also can know how much we long for God's mercy.
The time before Christmas is a time of longing, longing for Jesus' coming to bring us salvation and freedom, to free us from the bondage of sin, to remove sin in the world...
As we celebrate His birth, I will just put down some of the things I long for as I am waiting for His coming:
may I continue to follow His light and guidance closely;
may I suffer more, not because of my own weaknesses and sins, but for the sake of wholeheartedly serving Him;
when adversity comes, may I deal with it in geniune patience, not sullen endurance;
may I love people more, as I have experienced His amazing love, not only those I feel close too, but those I am not close with, those who are hard to love, and those who do not love me;
may I do works of this world, and serve this world, not to please this world, but only to serve and please Him;
may I strive towards serving Him in areas I am not good at: eg. long term service when the results not easily manifested in short times... while not neglecting doing other services that He has already given me the strength to do.
I know He will move stones. And I will be patient, and not lose courage. ^^
Have patience with all things, but chiefly have patience with yourself. Do not lose courage in considering your imperfections, but instantly set about remedying them--every day begin the task anew.
--St. Francis de Sales
To Max... thanx so much for the comment in the previous post. Yup we are not alone in our struggles, lets keep on encouraging each other.
Christmas Eve
Finally finished off sending all the "essential" Christmas cards. haha.... Joyful Joyful! So much I want to put down, but before, tonite i wil first want to have a quiet reflective time with the Lord. ^0^ Merry Christmas everyone! May God's blessing reach all your hearts!
An unreasonable sad side of me
Wasn't planning to post 2day... Hasn't been in a good mood since yesterday. Small pools of water again.... just the acculmulation of it made me sensitive 2 other things as well... and then myopia got me again.... i don't think i can walk through this day even though i am perfectly capable of seeing God's plan.
After all i stil talk to ppl on MSN... so not 2 bad actually... still remember the whole of semester 3 when i absolutely loath friends's company... don't come online... study in solitary in the basement... and talk to people merely with a surface politeness.
So why is it that I only go on msn when i am happy and without much worries? and post when things r going well, when my faith is strong, when i know i have gotten over something bad?
Why is it that i only want people to see a calm, happy, sensible, mature, and faithful yi ning?
Scared that after ppl seeing my unpleasant and unreasonable side they won't want to be friends with me anymore? Or it is just a deep sense of complacency that i shall be the comforter, and not the comforted?
But i really have 2 be patient, and also slowly learn to admit that part of me is indeed so weak... so unreasonable... God is the one who brought light and goodness into me.
Thanks 2 all my friends, although i am still reluctant 2 admit my weaknesses most of the time... ur honesty and boldness... at least gave my some of the courage i needed. ^^ And thats why I've decided to post 2day instead of locking myself in private gloom.
God bless,
Sent 5 more cards 2day... Really getting a bit bored of writing 'Merry Christmas' ..... *sob* And staring at the list... still so many 2 go.... *暴走中* Will try 2 send grp cards from now on... esp to ppl who know each other.... LOL *evil grin* Yn just being so lazy
anyway.... more inspirational words 2day:
We can't measure out a portion of ourselves to each other, and stir once, and be friends.
Or measure out an instant prayer, and beat with a fork until fluffy.
So Lord, why do I keep on asking for instant communion?
Why am I so unwilling to wait?
So unwilling to apprentice my soul?
So reluctant to do my part?
Ah, Lord. I come...in joys and in anguish...in my moments of peace, and in my times of quiet desperation--
to sing,
to listen,
to pour out my humanness, to remove my masks. Amen.
Jo Carr and Imogene Sorley
Mockingbirds and Angle Songs
And to continue my A-Z of anime/manga favourites
B for Buzzer Beater--1st read it when i was 14, still my favourite manga. Although not many ppl seem to like it. After Inoue's outstanding achievement in Slamdunk, ppl tend to look down on Buzzer Beater which is much shorter.. and don’t really have the strength of character development, or basketball games well drawn. But every time I read to the end I get deeply touched and I reckon the ending is one of the best I have seen in all movies, novels, manga and anime. Hideyoshi made his choice in the end… Any teenager has to face a similar situation although not so dramatic. What identity and value did u take in ur choice? If u were Hideyoshi, will u choose like him? Or choose like DT? Did DT think he is wrong in the end? Or even at the very end, he can look bk with no regrets?
Buzzer Beater is an online manga that can be acessed here:
About love
A few ppl's blogs these days are talking about love... and i've decided 2 join the trend as well. *sinister laugh*
As Christians we tend 2 think we have already graduated from the worldly selfish type of love.The love that is more infactuation, passion or possessiveness. But often it is more depressing 2 c Christian couples breaking up in the most ungraceful ways... When u think they know the truth about love, when u think God's love should be flowing through them... and still they argue, fight, gossip with pure hatred. When Christian families, with its members being the most wonderful, loving, caring people at church you absolutely love 2 talk to,then u realise the members are indifferent and cold 2 each other at home... U really wonder where is love... and what is love... And is it really like wat ppl say... those who are closest 2 u are the hardest to love???
Love is not committment, although we very much wish love and commitment 2 be one. There are so many loveless committment in this world... And lots of times, even in a loving committment u won't be loving 100% 24/7... it is so easy and romantic to say:生死契闊﹐與子成說﹐執子之手﹐與子偕老. but it is just a feeble wish... To be able 2 put it in practice... is a lifelong journey of endurance.
And why would you want 2 continue 2 love someone when you realise it is so more endurance than happiness? For a stable family life? For good reputation and avoid shame? Because u r lazy?
No, because of faith. Because u know the person in your life is the one God has placed there for you, becaue u know this is what He plans for u then He will reign in your relationship, because u know this is His plan for u.... and He will never withhold anything good from you.
And most importantly, because u love HIM... and u want to follow His commandment.
My best friend sent me a Christmas card 2day... very simple, nothing flashy, no glamorous pretty words. And I am just so happy about it. sixteen years I have known her... now we only see each other occasionally when i go back 2 shanghai... and i hardly know much about her daily life now... but one thing I know: no matter what she is doing, no matter how much she will change... no matter how far or how close we are, i will love her that much all the same. There were times when we lost touch, but when we got back in touch it was so much joy and the intimacy was still there... I can feel God's hand just bonding us 2gether, and giving me the surity that I can love her no matter what.
we don't talk every nite 4 hrs no-stop on msn... when we talk we are happy but we sometimes get bored too... there r times when we r busy with our lives we ignore each other for a while... but i know whenever she needs me i will be there for her, and whenever i need her she will also be there in no time.
I believe this is love, and God blessed me with it, and I know He will continue 2 bless me.
KK and ecards
KKed last nite... had some absolutely hilarious moments, and got a very nice prez from my KK Wei. a beautiful Kenshin wall scroll... he said he would have gotten me the Saitou scroll if he could find any... but still.... Kenshin is reali nice too... and more importantly, its the thought that counts yeh? ^0^
After all the tangible Christmas cards... Now I am embarking on the long, and arduous journey of selecting, writing and sending ecards 2 friends... spent half an hr this morning.. just sending one... Going at the rate i am going... i will be a very very sad and desperate person on the nite of 24th...*sob*.. Haha...
Miscellaneous
In panic mode... going 2 c everyone 2moro.... still haven't started one single Christmas card.... *狂哭....* Again me leaving things last minute... ^^ will be efficient 2moro. ^0^ Yes yes i will!!! haha...
Granada's Sherlock Holmes dvds r in stock again in the abc shop in southland... just arrived... and good authentic non-pirated stuff.. temptation temptaion. ^^ I looked at them, eyes filled with longing affection...LOL... still missing several parts of the series. Definitely will get it... when i am not sure. May the Lord take care of small decisions like that in our lives. ^0^
Watched Saiyuki Requiem 2day... not as good as I expected. *sob* maybe after Stand Alone Complex everything seems 2nd rate. Or maybe this is done in 2001 so the technology is not so good at the time... Btw, if anyone doesn't know... Saiyuki is a jap anime remix of the Chinese classic "Journey to the West".
Really want to thank Him for the past week... worked 4 days... some of the times simply know I would get so tired... But so amazingly, at the end of the week... I am surprisingly still energetic. *leap for joy!!!* lol I was a bit apprenhensive before that if i get tired now with a part time job.. how can i cope with my internship years. But definitely, all is His work, so when the time comes, He will carry us through. ^0^ Praise Him!
Simple joy
I was working the other day at night, then this family with a little boy came and looked at the takeaway food. The boy was 8-9, looked plump with adorable cheeks.... He was a bit confused and scared of all the unknown asian food and looked very silent and reluctant when his dad asked him what does he like 2 eat... After some discussion....the dad came up to buy a plate of food 1st for his son... after giving him the plateful over the counter, i bend down to grab a fork... and as I look up again... the little boy was holding onto the plate of food.... with his face beaming into one of the sweetest smiles I have seen in my life!!!! SOOOOOOO....cute!!! I got all happy just seeing him being happy about the food... and because of that i scooped extra to his parents' plates... ^^
As we grow older... our desires are upgraded as we want bigger and more complicated things. Although we grab at food when we r hungry and get a feeling of satisfaction when we placify our cravings(eg. chocolating)we prob have already lost the sense of happiness when we eat our food. We just don't c it as something we should be happy about.
My friends, if u r a Christian, say the grace at the table with a truly joyful and thankful heart. And to all of u... smile and be happy when u eat your food, and when your make your food. ^0^
Cross No.2
working nite shift 2day... so try 2 put in something constructive now as i prob won't hav tym 2nite.. ^0^
Going back 2 the cross topic. Yes indeed i remember from the gospel books, Jesus said those who r not against us r for us.
But we also have in Acts how Paul rebuked an evil spirit in a slave girl who was proclaiming that Paul and Silas are servants of the most high God. (Acts 16:16-18)
Lots of things in this world, we have to wait patiently as God grows us in His wisdom in the meanwhile. Yet even more things we need to admit: God we do not know. You know better than us.
One thing I really have to learn is to be cautious but not to judge. I just read James 4:12... feel like it was speaking 2 my heart:
There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the one who is able to save and destroy. But you--who are you to judge your neighbour?
I will finish here, but thanx again for thought sharing. God grows us as we learn from Him speaking through other ppl. ^0^
Emmanuel,
the ABCDs of unanswered prayers
Saw parts of a book which i really want to share with all of u.
How many times have you prayed, knowing full well that you have put the matter before God in faith, resting upon His word.. and then nothing happens?
Before long, a rash of possible explanations or procedures tempt u:
-Doubt--"Maybe God hasn't heard me."
-Fear--"Maybe He has heard me, but doesn't want to do anything about it."
-Uncertainty--"Perhaps it isn't God's will(except I was so sure when I prayed)."
-Condemnation--"It's probably because I don't deserve an answer. I've failed often enough that I can't blame God for turning away from me occasionally."
-Haste--"i've waited long enough, I guess God just wants me to be the answer. I'll just barge into the situation on my own and do my best."
-Presumption--"The key is to demonstrate my faith, so I'll act like everything has changed and treat the situation as though it were accomplished."
But the Word of God has a great deal to say about "waiting"...
Jack Hayford
Moments with Majesty
Indeed... I myself has had experienced all the above options... but as we grow in Him... we have confidence that He will remove them all. and in the meanwhile.. He will also grow another virtue in us: patience.
PS. Thank you to Sally and Kolin who gave nice and long comments 2 the prev post. ^0^
will prob discuss it in my next post.. but yeh... sally, the reason i wrote this post, is that I already think there is something wrong in how i feel about them...^^
Cross
The yr 12 results r out. Another year. Family friends laugh and cry... about enter, about pref, and about med.
And my thoughts, for some reason went 2 the cross.
I still remember myself in yr 12, stressing over the med interviews... and this family friend with a daughter who is already in med told me this absolutely horrid thing: wear a cross 2 any interview... and that will leave a very good impression on the interviewers.
He is not a Christian, and he does not know that I was a Christian at the time. And he suggested that... even 2day i can't get over it.
When the common perception is that people reject and turn away from the notion of Christianity... Trust me ppl do exploit the cross... and Christianity, for their gains.
Cross, as people say, is merely a symbol... All people can use it. And the claim that Christians ripped it off from other cultures is not new. But when people use the cross for their gain, they obviously exploit the meaning of Christ's suffering, death and salvation.
And then its about my own prob... i remember myself being infuriated heaps of times, and thinking about some ppl in this way: As if ppl r going 2 think u r a Christian now u hav this cross on your neck...
Righteous anger... i doubt it. how many times hav I fall short of the cross i am wearing??? No one is worthy of God's salvation... no one is worthy 2 be called His child.
Cross, just reminds us of Christ's pain, and the deepest love He has for us, which we r 2 share with people around us.
minute details of shopping
Went shopping 2day... Found a copy of Portrait of a Killer in Big W for $12.95.... Soooooo happy. Have been wanting this book for a long time, every time hesitated b/c of the price. Now finally decided 2 buy it. And now yn will go and devote herself 2 the study of Jack the Ripper... *sinister laugh*
Then went 2 Koorong which is just around the corner...kind of. ^^ Bought some beautiful Christmas cards. and also got the Case for Christ for sally. So bad the price has gone up now.... *sob* it is now $5.95 a copy... *sob* remember last yr it was $4.00 a copy.....
Sori yn just being cheap...
dinner now... will have sth more meaningful 2 say in the next post...lol
In romantic mood.....
Yup... I have been in a romantic mood since this morning.
Before you read you are welcomed 2 guess why... hahahaha.......
But yeh, been helping Ellen and Anderson at church, tying bows and sticking golden hearts on their wedding invitations.... Had so much fun doing it... and it is sooooo..... sweet...just seeing them 2gether...
Still remember the wedding i attended in September, now another one coming up in January. Last time it was dentist-dentist.. and this time its med-med... lol *yn speaking in a scary voice* so u do end up with ppl from the same course....... maybe i should be nudging 2 ppl who will be reading this post hehe....*lots of evil grin* but nah yn will be nice 2day and stop joking. ^^
Anyway also finished Stand Alone Complex today.... a very very good anime... the story superb and the animation also brilliant, also with the subtleties which yn absolutely loves. Maybe i should introduce it more in the continuation of my A-Z......lol
In the interview with a voice actor for the series... also heard something reali romantic. the voice actor was saying that Batou, the character he plays has an artificial body.. and Motoko, the female character he likes also has an artifical body... and the feelings between them is this : Batou's brain feels attracted 2 a brain with Motoko's personality.
Trust me I was touched by that (now everyone thinks yn is so spooky and runs away....) lol The eccentricity of it touched me. Nothing like the silly saccharine romance u c in most animes.
Enough dose of romance from yn.... ^^ On a less romantic but more loving note..... LOL read 2 Timothy 1:8 So do not be ashamed to testify about our Lord, or ashamed of me his prisoner. But join with me in suffering for the gospel, by the power of God.
It is easy 2 join ppl, or ask ppl to join, in joy and happiness... but to join or ask ppl to join in suffering... it will be those who u love and those who truly love u. And in Christ we can all experience this love.
AGAPE,
Time b4 carolling
Going carolling with yth grp to box hill hospital this afternoon. Just hope that my voice won't add more pain and distress 2 the patients there. some of the notes r 2 high and its impossible 2 sing softly... :(
But for the tym God granted me b4 carolling, I am now doing a few things that I like. ^^
Wel the 1st thing i did is 2 go on msn and check who in their madness go online so early at 9:46...LOL just kidding just kidding. ^^(yn not that sad....)
In fact I hav been putting one of my holiday plan into practise since early this morning: compiling my list of anime/manga favourites. And hopefully everyone would kindly read, and can all become anime fans after that. hehe.
So here is the very 1st bit of it. ^^
A-Z of Yi Ning's anime/manga favourites
A:
A for Ayumi Yamazaki--one of my favourite female characters. From Peacemaker (now both in manga and anime)^^ In fact I like Peacemaker mainly because I like her. Caring sister, wonderful cook, someone who buries her emotion deep, who listens and respects even small children. The last part of her story is indeed violent and tragic, but I just couldn't stop admiring her. Sacrificing 4 a cause u think is worthy and not intending 2 be all heroic. Wish we all can hav such courage 2 do our bit of the work in this world, significant or not in other ppl's eyes.
A for Akira Sendoh--my favourite charcter from Slamdunk(my obsession with which i will explain later in entries under S...lol)A laid-back, super-intelligent, smiling, easy going basketball star, whose performance in games is just 2 much of a pleasure 2 view... Someone who likes 2 go fishing alone and look at the sea, who doesn't easily share his thoughts with others... (and his favourite food is lemon... hahahaha....)
sori but the only image i found isn't exactly smiling....*sob*
A for Alucard--haha.. self explanatory.. try 2 spell the name backwards.
The protagonist of my favourite anime Hellsing. obvious from the name.. and the picture... sorry 2 disappoint, but not the dark handsome half-evil, half-decent male vampire u can fall for... LOL But yeh, an infinitely interesting character, with his eccentric look and behaviour... and subtle, somewhat human emotions... ^^
To be continued...
Looking 4ward 2 a day of rest...
Can't remember who is it that said 2 me: it always feels so much better if u can wake up in the morning, instead of thinking about all the things u hav 2 do 4 the day, u can think: wat shall i do 2day? Very true indeed. Had a busy day 2day: called up grandma in the morning, vacuum cleaned the house, shopped, and in the afternoon went 2 play pool with dtjf.... lol (tiff dun worry, none of the rest know abt this blog so our secret is still safe...*grin*)
Had lots of fun indeed, but tbe prob is probably chronic fatigue... fell asleep on the bus even and almost missed knox...*sigh*... i am already in this vicious cycle now.... sleep late... wake up around 8..... if sleep a bit earlier wake up at 6... reali bad habit indeed, no adequate rest within the hours of rest.. and then feeling tired 4 the tyms when i should be energetic. :(
Reali looking forward 2 a day... If possible Sunday afternoon and the coming Monday... when i could stay at home, with no plans in store and can do lots of quiet devotion, tidy up all my CU bible study notes 4 the year, and take a good physical and mental rest from it. *sob* Already looking forward 2 it......
And i should put my plan into practice when the tym comes...*grin*
Peace again
Been reading about peace in devotion these days. some very inspiring messages i just would like 2 share with all of u.
By Billy Graham: We have our peace movements, and all we want is peace--abroad and at home. But if by peace we mean appeasing tyranny, compromising with gangsters and being silent because we haven't the moral fortitude to speak out against injustice, then this is not real peace. It is a false peace. It is a farce and it is a hoax.
Another one about the story of a boy lost his ring.. and was praying. His sister came along and asked him will praying bring u bk the ring? and His reply: Perhaps not, but praying has done this for me; it has made me quite willing 2 do without the ring if it is God's will; and is not that almost as good as having it?
Now that is peace. ^^
Pure Joy
a piece of gd news came 2day. reali reali happy about it. ^^ God is just being so wonderful in our lives. I just want 2 praise Him 4 His goodness..... and i am so deeply thankful 2 Him for this blessing. (Thanx Irene 4 sharing it with me)
wind cannot blow away ur smile.
Not reali in the mood 2 say much 2day. and will sleep early 2nite cos will go 2 work 2moro. (a thought deprived day, or morning at least i guess)
Finished the book... Ending didn't wrap up as nicely as I have hoped... which made the middle a bit melodramatic... but overall still a work of brilliance. (now yn's brain feel stimulation deprived)lol just kidding.... The clinical school outcome and ppl's reaction 2 it has indeed become a bit worrisome. Will keep on praying.
To everyone: just remember wind cannot blow away ur smile! ^0^
且聽雨聲
Don't noe how 2 express the title in eng... with all its subtleties.
Had a dramatic day 2day... and feel I had a complete adrenaline drain from my body.
The book I am reading is dramatic enough...(up 2 the bits where all the missionaries r been killed... and yn just shed bucketful of tears as she reads on...)
Then visited Prof Roger Short at RWH, an amazing guy reali.. dedicated his whole life to saving and educating ppl who have AIDs. He has a special concern for China as well, gave me a cute Chinese handcraft ball. ^^ Had a great great talk with him, although i noe that my resources r very very limited atm... but i still wish i can do watever i can 2 help in this great work. I've also been having this burden for mission work in China for quite some time so will keep on praying about it. Also found out surprisingly that in yr 11 he actually came once 2 plc for a talk. and more surprisingly i can't rem anything taught in yr 11 but i do remember something he said in that talk...^0^ Amazing yeh?
More drama 2 follow.... ff msged me when i am in reader's feast swanston st abt clinical school... as usual yn got into silent agitation when stresses like this comes. Then met up with sally who kindly took the prostrate yn 2 union house 2 check the uni mail... typed in password with trembling fingers...(*sigh* comparing 2 the composed attitude i had when exam result comes, lol i need more peace from God on this one) and blind as usual, sally spot 4 me that I got rmh..... 2gether with her!!! *hearts flying around*
msning.... b4 i got a call from dora-san reporting on everyone's cs status... many ppl in the grp got sent 2 rcs... and yn since then was not reali feeling well abt that...
Enough drama of a day. I will keep myself close 2 God, not neglecting Him, and i am indeed reali reali grateful for His blessings on me and on everyone.
The sound of rain.... was nice and peaceful. Strange huh? but peace reali.. is the bird sleeping when the thunderstorm hits the whole nature. Watever turmoils.. big or small... The peace is there if u stretch out ur hand.
And yn shall retire 2 bed....
God speaks through a book.^^
Still reading The Palace of Heavenly Pleasure. Amazingly God spoke through that 2day. a quote from Dr Airton regarding the salvation of his 2 servants: 'I'm sure they'd die on the cross if I asked them to, but it wouldn't be for the Faith: it'd be nine parts pride and cussedness and one part loyalty to me.'
the passage really speaks the truth... know a no. ppl who r converted Christians not because of God's salvation, but because of their own pride. Thinking that 2 pull out would be hurtful 2 their pride.. and just hanging there... reali painful even at the sound of it... (B4 my dad's buddhist fever.. he actually was a 'baptised Christian'... but reali he understood nothing, just hang himself there 4 almost 6-7 yrs b/c he felt he had 2.)*sigh*
And what about us: we who think we are sure that we follow God because of His salvation? When we act kind, when we help our friends, when we do work, are we doing them all for Him? or the element of pride more or less comes in when we do such services for Him??? And pride is such a subtle thing that most of the time when we have it.. we won't know it.
Therefore we have to ask Him to constantly make us broken pieces, flow His wisdom through us so we can see our probs, and let us continue learning from Jesus' spirit of wholeheartedly serving our Father.
PS. a no. of u asked about adding links
this is the official guide:
http://help.blogger.com/bin/answer.py?answer=110&query=links&topic=0&type=f
Updated my own links 2... ^0^
Cheers everyone and God bless.
Thanksgiving
Well yn is back 2 work next week.^0^ Praise the Lord for He is truly so gracious 2 me. When I was distressed abt not finding jobs He allowed me 2 call back my old employer, and people were soo.... nice that they accepted me back.(even though I was a pretty poor worker b4...) Now i reali reali want 2 be able 2 do my job well. *sob sob*
And big thank you 2 everyone who have been praying for me. *very very touched by all ur support indeed*
Cheers
In Him I have confidence
lol Got my results 2day... and thinking a bit about it. Looking bk 2 the way I had come I feel very peaceful now. (hopefully not apathetic..hehe) Still remember the time in Yr 12 when I got a B+ for a chem sac and was in a pitiable prostrate state 4 whole 2 wks calling irene up so constantly to pour out my miseries and fears... And guess it is really something to be thankful that I have walked far from there. ^0^
Now at uni i tend 2 slip 2 the other extreme. i easily get into this conceited attitude thinking I have much better things to do, and bury urself in the books to aim for marks and the satisfaction associated with it is a pretty sad thing.
But I just want 2 thank the Lord for placing me in medicine. For slowly I realise that i should study and i get guilt-stricken about not studying and feel sorry for my future patients who will be the ones suffering. Thanx to Him who knows sense of responsibility is probably the only way that can stir me up 2 study my course.
but yeh thanx to Him that now even that my results still reflect my very poor knowledge and all the time wasting episodes I could remember. * yn tend 2 conjure up horrid images of patients she can't cure due 2 her lack of knowledge. * BUT I KNOW He has placed this certainty in my heart. Over these 2 years He has really taught me ways to improve my learning habits, and I know that if I follow closely to His guidance He will adequately prepare me for the future. However weak I am, in Him I have confidence.
The 2 verses in Psalm 139 reali touched my heart 2day. (copy and paste from Dave's blog actually...*grin*)
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
The little joys of life
All by His blessings I had another relaxing day at home, not fidgeting and anxiously anticipating some stressful events taking place soon. Well yn is indeed making progress, yet many uncertainties are still out there... yup, will not think too much about it and then go all d&m on the net.^0^ I will thank Him for the things He provided me with for this day and really appreciate the time He granted me to relax and enjoy.
Comical moment of the day: received the MIPS Insurance card in mail 2day and realised with horror that I am titled "Mr"......... almost fainted... not at THEIR mistake, but at my own slowness, and my indifference about all the insurance newsletters. *sigh* I have been receiving MIPS stuff 4 2 yrs and never discovered I am Mr Yi Ning Huang until 2day.(Probably I have chucked them all in the bin as soon as I received them...*sigh*) Oh well.. never 2 late 2 tell them, and I will keep the letter and the card for souvenir so I can look bk and laugh about it. LOL
I still remember myself leaping for joy after hotmail changed 2 250MB storage, but now I realise the downside of it, hundreds of junk flow in and i won't be bothered to clean them out... now slowly in the process of deleting loads of computer ads, money earning ads, porn ads, Falungong ads.... etc etc *sigh* my poor poor hotmail account..
Had a bit of time 2day so decided 2 launch bk into my reading habit. ^0^ The Palace of Heavenly Pleasure by Adam Williams, about the Boxing Rebellion in later 19th century... a period that never fails to fascinate me. Was a bit doubtful b4 I start reading, abt a foreigner's ability 2 understand China and write a believable story about China... but several pages into it...THIS GUY IS GOOD!!! Really profound understanding about Chinese culture and the mentality of ppl in that specific era. Found out in the afterword that his great-grandfather was a medical missionary in China during that period... no wonder!! ^0^ *Then yn remembers her little ambition of becoming a missonary doctor...* reali want 2 do sth like that man!!! even 4 a yr would be reali good. ^0^ But lol.. beta not plan 2 far ahead, i will trust Him for His plan! ^^
To Tiff-san: thanx 4 the comment, nice and long. ^0^ ur blog looks cool!! How 2 insert pictures?? Prof... teach me teach me. ^0^ How's the M project going btw?
And reali... i don't think anything i wrote can "inspire".. hehe.. u have given me enough kicks in the butt 2 over these 2 yrs... lots of u did... lets just continue 2 push each other along and run fast in this race for Him! cos we will all get the prize in the end, yeh?
Eaglewood Dust
Since Sally-san asked I think I���d better explain wat exact is eaglewood dust��� ^0^
It is the name of 2 stories written by Eileen Chang, the beautiful, refined, wise, sensitive, and very talented author from 1940s Shanghai, my favourite author actually. I love the subtlety, the vivid depiction of imperfection and sadness of human interactions in her stories.
but yeh...Just thought it is quite a nice name, not 2 grandiose��� and not 2 girly and mushy either, and decided to used it as the name of my blog. For reali our thoughts r sometimes mere dusts... though numerous and insignificant but does have its place in the big picture. lol (And by the way... Eaglewood smells very very nice...^0^ )
The day of rest
Due to special circumstances.... Had a nice relaxing day at home. Didn't go anywhere, but reali good cos I do have time 4 devotion, and relaxation 2. I thank Him for His mercy. ^^
To Dave: thanx 4 ur long reply. I did not go in the end... *embarrassed* cos i told my dad last nite that i will go 4 11 and half hrs... without pay.. and he was pretty shocked and warned me about human labour exploitation...I thought he does have a point so I declined the offer last nite. So sori that ur prayer has been wasted on me... yn will dig a hole and hide herself now..... lol just kidding... God has His plans. ^^ Thank u so much anyway...
the small pool of water
Thank you Lord for your blessing today.
when i c the big picture and i tend to say so confidently.... man i am not afraid of waves of the ocean! but more realistically...i get so freaked out even by a still pool of water... When i think about wat i will have to go through 2moro at my training from 7-6:30... how badly i wil probably perform... and how the boss's face could turn all black at me.... i can just break down at any minute and say... i don't think i can cope... i don't want 2moro to come....
I really should be focusing on the big picture, and know that it is indeed a small pool of water which i shouldn't be excessively anxious about. I don't want to be intimidated by it. I want to walk through it relying on Your hand, Lord.
