Wasn't planning to post 2day... Hasn't been in a good mood since yesterday. Small pools of water again.... just the acculmulation of it made me sensitive 2 other things as well... and then myopia got me again.... i don't think i can walk through this day even though i am perfectly capable of seeing God's plan.
After all i stil talk to ppl on MSN... so not 2 bad actually... still remember the whole of semester 3 when i absolutely loath friends's company... don't come online... study in solitary in the basement... and talk to people merely with a surface politeness.
So why is it that I only go on msn when i am happy and without much worries? and post when things r going well, when my faith is strong, when i know i have gotten over something bad?
Why is it that i only want people to see a calm, happy, sensible, mature, and faithful yi ning?
Scared that after ppl seeing my unpleasant and unreasonable side they won't want to be friends with me anymore? Or it is just a deep sense of complacency that i shall be the comforter, and not the comforted?
But i really have 2 be patient, and also slowly learn to admit that part of me is indeed so weak... so unreasonable... God is the one who brought light and goodness into me.
Thanks 2 all my friends, although i am still reluctant 2 admit my weaknesses most of the time... ur honesty and boldness... at least gave my some of the courage i needed. ^^ And thats why I've decided to post 2day instead of locking myself in private gloom.
God bless,
An unreasonable sad side of me
Posted by
YN
Wednesday, December 22, 2004
1 comments:
hey yining...
i haven't posted or commented for the past few days either... indeed i've been a bit busier than the last few wks (with family outings n gatherings -_-). but after reading ur post... i think i've been having some strange unexplainable feelings which have kept me from writing abt my own thots N coming on the net lately; dun feel like talking to certain pplz... dun wanna face certain problems/issues; so the best thing is to avoid neone that mite trigger me into thinking abt them. SIGH~
thanx yining. coz what u said... is like a reminder hitting me on the head; learn to be the comforted - which can only happen if we admit what's wrong... 0_0 i realise i often 'delay' telling God what's wrong. when i have problems or weird feelings surfacing inside... i try to use my own ways to repress them first; only AFTER A WHILE - when they're either succsessfully pressed down or i still can't do anything abt - THEN i tell God what's wrong and ask Him to guide me -_- sigh!
"it's a long long journey" - hav i ever sent u lyrics of dat song? (i mite post it up in my blog later) i think it does somehow depict the frustrations in our spiritual journey... but... thanx yining. you always remind me i'm not alone :D
^_^ luv max.
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